It seems like everywhere I turn lately, there’s discussion about the topic of “connectedness;” that is, how engaged (or how lonely) we may feel as military spouses.

Whether it’s on Facebook or in face-to-face conversations that I have with spouses new to our installation, I’m hearing the same thing: it can be incredibly difficult to establish and maintain friendships with others.

And this really tickles me to no end because, let’s face it—as military spouses, we are a part a dynamic community and our diversity is second-to-none! The military is literally filled to the brim with spouses who have some of the most incredible talents and experiences. Not to mention that we have world-class programs, organizations, events, and groups with which we can participate.

And it would be so tempting for me to say to you, “Just get out there and make friends!”

However.

My experiences and ways of making friends could be similar to yours, or they may be totally different. And that’s okay. What’s most important is that you know what kinds of friends you’re hoping to meet and how you plan to engage with others in meaningful ways.

As a naturally-leaning introvert, here’s a list of things I like to keep top-of-mind when thinking about how to engage with others:

“Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.”

Forrest Gump had it right when he said that. This applies not only to life in general, but also to the people you will meet. Some are fruity, some are nutty, some are sugary sweet, and some are refreshing to your very soul. What’s important is that you give everyone a chance, and in doing so, you give yourself a chance to get to know some really incredible people.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

This is timeless advice that you probably heard as a kid growing up, but it’s never truer than when you are meeting new people. “Oh, she’s an Officer’s wife” or “She has tattoos and piercings, and I’m not really into that” are not good reasons to avoid getting to know someone. You could be missing out on the opportunity to get to know an amazing person if you push a door closed before you get a chance to walk through and take a look around.

Attend (almost) everything at least once.

This will give you a feel for the local flavor of your installation and the activities it has to offer. If you’re a newly minted Army spouse, take the AFTB classes, the FRG classes, and anything else you can get your hands on that will help you learn about the Army and your community (and if you married a service member in a different branch, find your branch equivalent!). Who knows who you might meet during the process? Pick up a calendar of events from your MWR and/or Spouses’ Club  (or, again, the branch-specific alternative) and find something fun to attend. And then go.

Attempt to forge a relationship with your service member’s unit.

We can all agree that it would be wonderful if the FRG group was dynamic and close-knit (bonus points if they meet on the weekends around a campfire to sing “Kum Ba Yah” with s’mores and hot dogs), but that’s not always a guarantee. However, I am resolved to at least make an attempt.

So, there you have it—my list at a glance. Since I am a naturally-leaning introvert, some things are less comfortable for me, and it does require effort. The payoffs, however, have been great, and it’s an investment I’m absolutely willing to make.

What do you think? What ways have you found to get involved and become connected? What helpful tips can you offer to new or struggling spouses?