Let’s talk for a minute about Memorial Day as observed in the United States.

I confess that my own understanding of Memorial Day prior to a couple of years ago was fuzzy, at best. I knew that it always fell on a Monday and, not unlike Labor Day, meant an extra “free” day off of work. Yahoo! Who doesn’t like an extra day free from work? An extra day means time for travel, cooking out, and enjoying time with friends and family—on a boat or in a backyard.

A day to be and to feel patriotic.

A day to fly Old Glory and a day to reflect on the military.

I’m embarrassed to admit, that was all it was.

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a formal Memorial Day Ceremony for the first time. My now-husband invited me to attend, and it was held on post at Fort Riley. There was the customary pomp of any formal military event—the cavalry, the soldiers on the hillside standing at the ready beside the cannons, the flags, the dress blues. The Chaplain prayed, a distinguished guest spoke, cannons volleyed, and a wreath was laid in honor of those who lost their lives in defense of their country.

It was a very solemn event, not unlike attending a funeral.

This year, the day bears even more meaning to me as a newly minted military spouse. Why? Because, in this past year, we (either my husband or my husband and I) have attended no fewer than five memorials for fallen service members.

The immeasurable, all-consuming grief felt by the families, friends, or loved ones, and the loss felt by the fellow service members was very heavy, each and every one raw and real.

It is through this lens that I present to you the following:

Appropriate words to describe Memorial Day include solemn, reverent, sober, humbled, grateful, and reflective

Inappropriate words to describe Memorial Day include happy or celebrating.

Here is a list of appropriate sentiments to express honor on Memorial Day:

• Today we remember those who gave their lives in defense of their country. Sending much love and many prayers for the families left behind and for our country.
• Today we commemorate those brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for the American ideal.
• Every day, we owe honor and respect to all those who have and do serve. Today we give special thanks to the many who have given the ultimate sacrifice of life in defense of our great country. Their courage, bravery, and dedication should inspire us daily to live a life of service to honor their sacrifice.

Avoid saying things like “Happy Memorial Day” or thanking all those who serve.

What makes these types of sentiments less appropriate for Memorial Day? While it is always generous and wonderful to express gratitude fo current service members, that is better left for Veterans Day. Memorial Day, on the other hand, is the unique day to remember the fallen who served our nation’s interests in wars past and present, domestically and abroad.

It should also go without saying that this is not a “happy” day or occasion. Just as you would not dream of saying, “Happy Holocaust Remembrance Day,” you should refrain from wishing others a “Happy Memorial Day.”

This day is about a singular reflection on those who made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of our nation’s interests, at home and abroad, past and present. It is a day that we observe and remember, but do not “celebrate.”