The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function. Without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends on it. — Band of Brothers

Recently, my husband and I began the series Band of Brothers. As I was watching the struggles, laughter, tears, and journey that WWII Army Airborne soldiers went through, it wasn’t difficult to pick up on the representations of post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. My husband made an off-handed comment that feeling guilty about coming home after deployments while buddies are still fighting is common.

I began to wonder if he and others around me had suffered from PTSD.

I knew my husband prior to his Army career. He was immature, careless, and had the mindset that he was immortal as most teens do. During his initial Army career in his early 20’s I was apart from him. Which gives me a unique perspective on who he was before being a soldier. Observing life being taken away from strangers in foreign countries, soldiers in his group, as well as women and children, brought to the surface his own mortality.

“Seeing a dead body changes you.” My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of the innocent boy who took me to prom being exposed to death and brutality. My husband does not suffer from PTSD, but, well…he’s changed because of his experiences in the Army.

If life had led him to a civilian job, chances are he would not have been exposed to death and circumstances surrounding it.

PTSD is individualized to each person suffering. Some people have mild PTSD, while others cannot function in daily activities. Symptoms can include having flashbacks to the event, trouble sleeping, irritability, having hyper-arousal, or being extra vigilant. The NCTSN is a wonderful resource for families, children, service members, and mental health providers to learn more about this trauma. The hardest part is that it leaves invisible scars, something we can’t see on the surface.

Experiencing trauma is ordinary. According to ptsd.va.gov, 60% of men and 50% of women will experience trauma of some kind in their lives. Not everyone will develop PTSD after trauma though. Eight out of 100 people will be diagnosed. What is it like from a perspective of someone diagnosed with PTSD? Mindy, in her blog post, states how her diagnosis was a surprise as she was not in a combat MOS.

Spouses, this is where I’m going to challenge you to listen to your service members’ stories (if they are willing to speak of them). Listen to what he/she may not be saying. Pain can present itself in the spaces between words. Learn what PTSD is, the symptoms, and current treatments. Then have the courage, understanding, and kindness to help your service member if they need it.