Family Readiness Groups can be such a wonderful asset to military spouse life. It can be a great place to connect, meet people, and receive important information about all things mission-based.

Unfortunately, all it takes is one rough FRG experience to make military spouses a bit hesitant or skeptical to participate. (It certainly follows the concept of “One bad apple ruins the bunch.”)

If you find yourself in this position, faced with leading or participating in an FRG that currently has the enthusiasm of a jalapeño pepper plant that’s been left in the El Paso sun without water, here are six quick tips to fire up your FRG:

1. Be authentic.

One of the biggest turn offs is an FRG leader who is insincere or just going through the motions. Yes, there’s a time and place for false motivation, (because in tough seasons, false motivation is better than no motivation) but bottom line: we must make an effort to keep it real.

The heart of the FRG is supporting the families and supplying pertinent information, all while keeping the drama in check. Being our authentic selves might look like saying, “Yes this deployment/TDY is hard right now… But we can do it!” (If necessary, I like to use “America!” as a verb. It makes things a little easier to handle.)

2. Host family-friendly activities.

It is surprising how some FRG events sometimes aren’t family friendly or create more work than necessary. Of course finances are a consideration, but if providing child care is an option for FRG meetings or even a date night for unit members, that would be a huge encouragement for families to engage. Be creative to stretch the dollar bills to get the most bang for the buck.

3. Engage a sense of humor.

I personally choose to live all things milspouse life with the “no-plan plan.” As in, here’s the current plan, I hope it comes to fruition, but then all things with the military are tentative, so we’ll roll with it.

We can still be professional yet take a lighthearted approach to (some) experiences. Not everything has to be uber serious. (Yes, some things are serious and important, but a family bowling night or back-to-school bash with a dunk tank is a lot less intense than a deployment town hall session). Modeling the way and leading with enthusiasm, courage, and occasional humor can sure go a long way.

4. Effectively communicate. 

It’s a delicate balance between too much communication and not enough. Obviously, sending an email every day would be annoying (hello, spam folder), but maybe a weekly (every two weeks? monthly?) update would be helpful. It depends on the season of your unit: Are you facing a deployment? TDY? Did they just get home? Are you all trying to rest/recover? Communicate accordingly.

Oh, and if FRG responsibilities involve dissemination of community events/info, don’t just forward the email. Make a quick effort to say, “Hey everyone! Here’s some upcoming events in our town/location that you might enjoy. Also, don’t forget about our picnic at the park on Saturday [date] starting at 1800. It’s gonna be a lot of fun (and there will be free food…).”  This, in and of itself, engages our sense of humor (see point #3) and demonstrates authenticity (see point #1) within our communication patterns.

5. Reach out and make it personal.

This one might be a boatload of work (and might require personal dollar bills to be spent), but sending birthday cards or hand-written notes via snail mail to each FRG family can make a difference. Again, I know stamps aren’t as cheap as they used to be, but I’m automatically impressed and more likely to engage with someone who has spent time to write me a note and say, “Hey, hope you are doing okay/Happy Tuesday/Happy Birthday/Congrats on the new baby!”

You could also put your contact info/FRG/unit business card in there for reference. There are a lot of online options to print business cards frugally. (Or maybe your S shop has a stockpile of stamps or business card printing paper? Doesn’t hurt to ask.)

6. Be patient.

FRG is very much a culture, and any kind of cultural change is probably going to take a hot minute. Rebuilding trust and showing that you’re authentic, motivated, and really do care about the families likely isn’t going to happen overnight.

But, if you stick with it and maintain consistency and continuity (especially because so many other things in milspouse life change so often and frequently), the FRG members will soon see there’s something great happening, and they’ll want to be part of it, no begging or bribery involved.

If you have ever recharged and fired up your FRG, what tips and tricks do you have? We welcome your feedback. Leave a comment below. Also, check out all of our blogs related to FRG life by clicking here.