Everyone has troubles. We all know that. Every person you see is carrying something heavy. Many times they aren’t sure if they’ll be able to carry it at all. Then, there’s the burden of deployment.

And that one is killer.

That one is hard. Harder than most.

This is in part due to its uniqueness. You look around you, and everyone’s burden seems so uniform. So predictable. So universal. Financial woes. Sickness. A rift in the family. Even a death.  

These burdens are awful and hard—I’m not saying they aren’t. But these are common troubles that touch us all. They’re familiar to the human experience and are easily unified. When a family member or friend is being dragged down by these hard times, everyone around them has a story or a similar experience. They know what life preserver to throw out to help their loved one stay afloat. 

Deployment is different.

This burden comes in a unique package that’s foreign to the average passerby. They don’t know what to say. How to help. It can leave you isolated.

Comments like “I don’t know how you do it,” “You must be used to it by now,” and “I get so lonely when he’s away on business trips” are hastily thrown around, but they often hurt more than help. Giving birth with your spouse across the world on a Skype call is met with “Thank God for technology!” “Why couldn’t he come home?” and “Men are more of a hindrance, anyway.” 

Watery eyes are met with awkward pauses. A late night desperate phone call turns into a one-sided monologue.

It isn’t their fault.

Life hasn’t taught them how to react to a situation so foreign to the average American lifestyle.

Don’t let this make you bitter. Bogged down with their own baggage of worry and stress, you have to take them where they are. Comparison is the thief of joy. Their struggles aren’t less than yours just because they come in a smaller box and a more familiar shape.

Understand that you’re unique, you’re strong, and your service member chose you.

Your partner gave you this burden and kissed you goodbye because they knew how strong you are.

You’ve got this.

Remember that this burden, no matter how big and cumbersome it seems, is temporary. One day, your loved one will be home and your shoulders will drop in relief along with all you’ve been carrying. You’ll put it away along with the deployment gear and shut the door tight, until deployment knocks again. 

You’re the queen of boxes.

The master of goodbyes and the keeper of hellos.

You can uproot and restart at a breathtaking speed.

You’ve been tried, tested, and proven to be gold.

Find your tribe of spouses as strong as you, take care of yourself, and adjust your crown.

This burden you’ve been handed is heavy, but it’s no match for the likes of you.