There was a time that I didn’t understand why some spouses were dead-set against joining their FRG, until I experienced it firsthand.
The most recent FRG leader that I served under was a former service member who had some kind of competitive streak going with her husband. She treated volunteers like they were soldiers. It was rare that we got a thank you, or a please, and it felt like we were always “voluntold” what to do. Of course, we didn’t appreciate this, and it wasn’t a very good environment, but we really cared about the families and ignored it as much as we could until we had enough and resigned our positions.
It was disheartening. After that stint, I swore to myself that I would not get involved in FRGs from that moment on.
Then we got PCS orders overseas.
Once we got here, I was still adamant about no involvement in the FRG. I remember going as far as telling my husband that I would “sit this one out” when it came to deployment and being involved.
The first FRG event I attended with our new unit was the company Halloween party, and I was impressed beyond words. I’ve never seen anything like it. This Halloween party wasn’t your generic store-bought cupcakes and sugar-loaded goody bags… Oh, no! It was Bradley rides, a haunted house almost too scary for me, games, pumpkin carving, hot food, and an updated version of bobbing for apples where they cored the apples shortly before the game, tied them to cords hanging from the ceiling, and anyone could have a bite at it.
I was in FRG heaven.
During the FRG events that followed the Halloween Party, my feelings kept growing and growing. Despite the crush I developed on this new FRG, I still maintained the anti-involvement mindset and sat back to observe.
Eventually, I noticed things that began changing my mind. One thing that sealed the deal for me was the outgoing FRG leader’s passion. When she was hosting an event or talking to a bashful wife, you could see her passion and her patience. You knew she wanted to be there, and it was contagious. Her passion paired with the resources available to the FRG and the percentage of involvement with the families made me feel like this FRG was something special, and I would be stupid to not be a part of it.
It was shortly after the new year when I became an official part of the FRG. I’m so glad I took the time to observe before my misconceptions hindered my FRG experience forever.
This is my suggestion to you today: If you are at a place right now, at a new duty station, with a new FRG, and are against joining because of a previous FRG, then do yourself a favor and observe it for a while.
Pay close attention to how the leader interacts with the spouses, and take note of the amount of involvement with the families. I almost made the mistake of thinking one FRG equals all FRGs, and I’m glad to learn it doesn’t.
Thank you for posting about this, I have often wondered why FRG seems to be sparse when so much good could happen there. I would also add, that perhaps one leader makes for a heavy workload and perhaps several who have a gift for leading could rotate turns for planning fun events and make it more likely that good things happen. Passionate leaders are truly a gift to any group!
You are right and it is true of anything, if you are new, at least go see!
The FRG for my husband's unit has left a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't really like how they treat the wives. I hope that when they deploy this fall that they work things out because we all need to be there for each other. I hope that when we PCS after the deployment that things will change.
It’s nice to hear a good story once in a while. I was always afraid of Frg’s too because of it’s reputation..However had a change of Heart when my husband’s Company was getting ready to deploy, The Commander was a single Female So she asked my Husband if I would be Interested, I was like No! Then as time got closer I felt like I had to step in and be some type of support for those soldier’s especially mine, I was determined to make a difference for both the Soldier’s and their families.. Steering away from the negative and focusing on the positive.. It started out slow as far as participation but slowly every meeting more and more would trinkle in.. I began to bond with a lot of the family member’s.. doing everything I could to answer questions to finding out Information for them. As they began to know me and me them we formed a great relationship. we all pulled together and really gave it our all! I tried to do activities that would Involve both spouses and Children, we played games, had movie night, baby shower’s for those who were Expecting..etc… It’s all in how you go about it. not to mention had some wonderful volunteer’s that gave 100%.. So thankful today for the experience.. We all became eachothers family as our wonderful soldiers were deployed.