This month, Military Family Appreciation Month, as we honor those who served (both past and present) as well as military families, I’ve also been thinking a lot about the caregivers. 

Caregivers are there in times of celebration, tribulation, and all of the beautiful moments in between. Today, there are 5.5 million people in the United States caring for aging, injured, or wounded veterans. And 1.1 million people provide care for post-9/11 veterans. Nearly a third of these caregivers are under the age of 30. 

I recently had a chat with Melissa Comeau, who serves as the director of the Red Cross Military Veteran Caregiver Network (MVCN). In addition to being an amazing human being with a wealth of knowledge about caregiving, Melissa is also a caregiver herself. 

“I didn’t know I was a caregiver until someone else identified me as one,” she said. When her Marine husband was at Camp Pendleton’s Wounded Warrior Battalion, a nurse asked Melissa if she was his caregiver. Startled, she said, “No. He’s young. I’m just his wife.” 

The nurse told her, “you’re probably both.”

Melissa Comeau, a caregiver and director of the Military Veteran Caregiver Network, pictured with her veteran and husband.

Comeau says that the word stuck with her. She wants people to know that caregiving isn’t just for the elderly. Many caregivers are younger than generations past. Melissa says that military spouses, parents, or even battle buddies fill this role. Often times, the parents who step up serve as life-long caregivers for their veteran children, many of whom were injured incredibly young while serving and never married. Military spouse caregivers are often balancing young kids, caring for aging parents, and a permanently and totally disabled veteran. 

Melissa says that the role of caregiver is challenging but it is more critical than ever before. 

For those who are just starting their caregiving journey, Melissa says to drop any stigmas you may have about the role. She suggests starting by acknowledging the tasks you’re already doing each day. Those can be medication management, health care coordination, emotional support, and more. 

More importantly, Melissa believes that connection is key to success. “Connect with the people that just get it and won’t need a full backstory. They simply know what you mean when you say you’re waiting on a medical call or you’re having a tough day,” she said. “Their words of wisdom may lift you up when you’re feeling low.”

Serving more than 8,200 caregivers worldwide, the MVCN offers caregivers peer mentors, peer support groups, and an online community, as well as mental health, wellness, and resiliency workshops. Melissa says that the network seeks to decrease feelings of isolation and increase feelings of connection, hope, and well-being. 

“The MVCN is very good at holding space for people to share what this journey is like. We offer resource referrals, resiliency workshops, and self-care opportunities. But the meat and potatoes and the things that matter the most are just listening, validating, and caring for our caregivers,” she said. 

Melissa says that in addition to resources, caregivers are looking for a space to be heard. “MVCN hears people and provides a place to talk about what is going through non-judgmental, true peer support,” she said.

Melissa said that veterans are proud of their service and caregivers are too. “Veterans want to continue to serve their local communities. And so many veterans can do so because of our role as caregivers. We’re proud of their military service but who they are today fills us with pride in new and meaningful ways, too,” she said. 

If you’re interested in learning more about the Military Veteran Caregiver Network, go here. You can also learn more about Red Cross services to the Armed Forces by visiting, redcross.org/saf. 

By Susan Malandrino for the American Red Cross