Okay milspouses—this post is actually for your service member. I know, it feels like everything is about them. But shh, this is actually to help you.
We need to talk… about the “I’ve got news” talk. This one sentence sends us into an automatic doomsday prepping mode, our stress levels instantly go up, and we dread the next words. What follows is usually a deployment, long training, TDY (Temporary Duty), or a PCS (Permanent Change of Station).
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We got together and took a vote—the words “I’ve got news” are out. Okay, we didn’t really get together and vote. But if there was a milspouse convention (by the way, there are multiple conferences), I’d be willing to bet this would be the vote, and I’m not a betting person.
What if instead of these words, you planned a nice night for us to spend together. A nice dinner, maybe a movie, a lovely bath—whatever it is that relaxes your spouse. During this wonderful evening you can gently break the news to us as we create memories that’ll help get us through whatever is coming next.
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Now let’s talk wording. How do you break the news to us? A better sentence might actually help us to digest the upcoming news. Something like, “Do you wanna hear about our next adventure?” Or if you know you’re going to miss certain holidays or birthdays, you could simply suggest celebrating them early—thanks Amanda Krieger for that suggestion!
You could also think up things to do during this next adventure, and present us with a list of things to get excited about. I understand that if you are deploying, this list might not be things that you could enjoy with your spouse, but maybe it’s things to do before you deploy.
Whatever you decide to do or say, just try not to use the words, “I’ve got news.” It’s not helping anyone. And no one needs more stress during this time.
Annie, I so appreciate your “tell it like it is” writing style. It always makes me smile and nod in agreement. Yes, break it to us easier– we don’t need buttered up, but I love the “Wanna hear about our next adventure?” lead in. Thank you!