3 Challenges of Reintegration (And 3 Possible Solutions)
by Amanda Krieger, Blogger and Content Curator Assistant
I’ve been writing about deployment and reintegration a lot. It’s my life right now, and it’s harder than I anticipated. I thought it would be magically easy, since my husband and I had some key conversations to prepare us for the changes that occurred for all of us while he was gone.
I was wrong. (I originally entitled this post, ‘Reintegration is For The Birds,’ if that gives you insight into how wrong I was.)
But why? Why is it still so challenging, even though we did our best to plan our hopes and expectations?
Well, it’s simply because we changed our minds!
We expected far too much of ourselves and each other. But when we realized our mistakes, we pivoted.
And isn’t that a perfect word to describe military life……. pivot?
Here are the 3 challenges we have experienced during our reintegration and the solutions we employed:
1. Time together as a family and as a couple.
Time together as a family has been easy to come by while my husband is on leave. Lots of cuddles, games, and running around. Father and son have had one on one time, and I’ve had time to rest. What’s hard is making time for date night. Togetherness just seems natural and easy.
The Hard Part: Leaving our son who is so attached to his dad right now, is hard. Even painful to think about at times.
Our Solution: Hiring a sitter while you and your spouse have a date night in another part of your home.
2. Seeing extended family/seeking respite.
We saw my husband’s family of origin a few months before he deployed. Our son and I also saw them a couple times during deployment. When my husband said he wanted to see them soon after he returned home, I understood, of course.
The Hard Part: I wasn’t up for another cross-country trip
Our solution: I opted not to go. Instead, while my service member visited his extended family, I visited my siblings and childhood best friend.
It may be unconventional to take separate trips, but at least this time, it worked for us. He got quality time with more people he wanted to see AND with our son. I had a break from solo parenting AND I got to see my siblings for the first time in two years, and my friend for the first time in almost five. When we reunited, all were refreshed and happy to swap stories.
3. Welcome home party.
My husband was sure he’d want to see friends the weekend after he returned home, so we planned accordingly. We bought all the fixings to grill out, and I sent messages to our local friends with details for a get together a few days later.
The Hard Part: I was drained from solo parenting. And my husband got sick the day before the party.
Our Solution: I sent messages to those friends and explained we needed to reschedule. They all understood.
No, we haven’t rescheduled yet… There’s been one thing after another to do lately. But I know that when we finally have that party, it’ll be lots of fun, and (hopefully) less hectic than it might have been, had we done it earlier.
These are just three of many challenges we face as military families anqd remember, it is okay to pivot!
*For more information and insight on the topic of Reintegration, check out Amanda’s previous post.
Reintegration really is for the birds. Seriously, I think it’s my least favorite part of the deployment cycle. (Except for major crisis moments on the homefront during deployment). Love that you are finding creative solutions to all of this, Amanda. Hang in there– soon a new battle rhythm will emerge!