5 Stress Relief Ideas: Milspouse Approved

I sat on my back porch with my toes in the sun. I was tired, maybe feeling some stress. My kids had given me grief all day long. The dishes were undone. The house a bit of a mess. I had a to-do list a mile long for my clients and a board meeting to prepare for that evening.

Even with all that sitting prominently on my plate, I sat on the back porch and put my toes in the sun.

I watched a line of ants march across the back porch. There was a bird flitting around my pile of dirt ready for planting tomatoes. Faithful Rocco dog sat next to me, panting. Occasionally he’d glance up at me to see if I was ready to get back to the normal grind.

I wasn’t. And so I sat with my toes in the sun and let my mind wander.

Our recent move from active-duty to retired status had placed a new and different burden of responsibility squarely on my military spouse shoulders, but it wasn’t anything new. Military spouses have an unsaid and unrecognized motto that everyone else comes first—our service member’s career, our children’s school, our community’s needs.

Retirement hadn’t changed that. It simply shifted it from the military to this new path we were still trying to figure out.

And so I sat on the back porch with my toes in the sun, because for that moment, I had to come first.

The stresses and burdens of military life will never go away. After so many years following my soldier from duty station to duty station, I knew that was 100% true. We all find small ways to cope, something little during the day that gives us 15 minutes of peace, rejuvenates our resiliency, and gives us that extra bit to finish out the day. I surveyed a group of military spouses who shared their small day-to-day stress relievers.

Here are five ideas I recommend you try:

1. Ecotherapy

“I step outside,” says Sherry. “I don’t always have time for a full walk, but getting out into nature always seems to soothe me.”  Sherry also recommends finding one new thing you hadn’t looked at before.

“Find a new flower. Look at the way the grass is growing. Watch a bird, squirrel, or bug. Anything except what’s always on your mind.” She also recommends packing the kids up and dropping whatever you’re doing to head to the park. “Sometimes I forget that, despite how little they are, they also carry a lot of the anxiety and stress that comes with military life,” she said about her children’s own need for ecotherapy.

April, a military spouse that just finished a PCS move, agrees. “Walking outdoors, taking a deep breath, and gazing at the leaves fluttering in the trees brings me solace.”

Heidi, whose spouse retires in just one month, says for her it’s all about her garden. “I love watering my plants in the morning,” she says. “Seeing what is growing and the green makes me happy and smile. It sets my tone for the day.”

Being in green spaces alleviates anxiety and depression. Chalk it up to some sunny vitamin D or the endorphins that come when we exercise a little or the relief that comes from spending joyful time with those we love.

2. Aromatherapy

“Lavendar and citrus are two of my favorite scents,” says Ellen. “I use candles , wax melts, and some essential oils around my house.” When Ellen needs a break, she chooses a spot and breathes in her favorite smells. “I’ve even had my kids ask if I need a time-out with my candles,” she jokes.

For Ellen, the scent is her focus. She tries to crowd out all the other noise in her mind and focus exclusively on the aroma she’s chosen. “This is my best suggestion because in five minutes I can feel the difference in my anxiety level.”

Milspouse Amy suggests doing a skin care routine or taking a bath if you have more than just a few minutes. “A relaxing Epsom salt bath with lavender essential oil always does the trick for me,” she says,.”It feels so good and is an excuse to get some alone time!”

According to Very Well Mind, some of the top scents for stress reduction are bergamot, lemongrass, neroli, lemon, yuzu, orange, ylang ylang, and frankincense.

3. Music

“I go with whatever I’m feeling in that moment,” says Jason. “That means if I’m angry, I’ve got some tunes that cater to that emotion. If I tried to put on soothing music when I was angry, then it would make me steam and dwell on that emotion even more. So, I let the negative feelings go by choosing music that can carry it away.”

As a stay-at-home and work-from-home dad, Jason uses music on his teenagers, too. “Yeah, I’m the dad that forces the teenagers to engage,” he says. Jason sees one of his kids in a certain mood and will choose a playlist for them. “They don’t even realize what I’m doing. A secondary benefit is that the TV stays off when music is on. My kids find other avenues to amuse themselves.”

Jason’s playlists range from classic 1960’s rock to classical music. Although not a huge fan of country music, he even has a playlist for that. Jason firmly believes there is a time and a place for ever playlist he’s created. “That country will get my arguing teens to roll their eyes and refocus on me, that’s a win for me and keeps me from having to get in the middle and increase my stress.”

4. Laughter

“I’m not even going to share the book that makes me laugh because it’s so irreverent,” says Tashia. “But, I will admit that I use ‘fail videos’ on YouTube to achieve a similar result.”

Tashia believes that taking five minutes to focus on something funny is the key to destress. We’re hardwired to find things amusing, so do a search for any of the following and see if it lifts your spirits:

• animals dressed as humans
• laughing babies
• shorts of your favorite comedian

Military spouse Selena enjoys watching TikTok videos and having a cup of coffee. “In the ten minutes it takes me to have a cup of coffee and relax, I’m watching TikTok videos that are amusing, interesting, or just plain silly. The result is that I’m ready to get on with my day and feel like I was able to take just a moment to destress.”

5. Laundry (and other mindless tasks)

It seems counterintuitive, but getting a small mindless domestic chore done can feel like you’re taking a break. Focus on the details of what you’re doing or pair it with something that keeps you entertained.

“I close myself in my bedroom to fold laundry and watch something on Netflix,” says Danielle, a milspouse.

“I listen to a podcast or a book on tape when I’m vacuuming,” says Erica.

“I clean out my purse when I get stressed,” says Jaylynn. “That small act of having something tidied up and in order is what helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something and it’s not all falling apart.”

Whatever your chore of choice your mind is no longer focused on what was causing y0u stress with the added bonus of getting done something that was on your to-do list anyway.

What’s your suggestion?

The bottom line is that a short break that takes your mind off stress is a great way to recenter and make sure you’re making a good decision in that moment. It doesn’t take away the problems we military spouses have, but it makes things more manageable.

What would you have added to this list?