A Moment of Reflection on 2020

You don’t need me to tell you that 2020 has been the year of all years, and I doubt you need me to describe the myriad changes we’ve experienced. But while this has been a year full of darkness for so many, there are a few things I’d like you to reflect on before year’s end to find a silver lining.

In my family, we do this by using advent candles. The tradition is to light a candle on each Sunday for four Sundays leading up to Christmas Eve. We lit our first candle on Nov. 29 and will light our final one on Dec. 20. Each candle symbolizes a different moment of reflection, something especially important in this year of hardship.

The first candle is for hope.

Hope means to cherish something with anticipation, and for many of us, our hope for this year is for it to end. But I urge you to look a bit further.

Maybe it’s hope in welcoming a new child or hope that your family moves to a new duty station where each of you can blossom.

Perhaps it’s hope your next PCS won’t include an ETP or massive delays or hope that the next school year won’t have interruptions.

Our hopes are also something that can guide us through the next year. Maybe you’re focusing on your goals, crafting new ones to start 2021 off hopefully better than 2020. Let hope guide you into the New Year and beyond, for your spouse, your children, your future, and yourself.

The second candle is for love.

Love means strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.

Most of us hear the word “love” and immediately think about romantic love, but it has many manifestations: the love for our children, the love for our parents, the love between friends, and the love within our community.

It’s been a difficult year for feeling love. Many have been separated from their parents for longer periods, deployments were extended, neighbors were shut up in their homes, making it more difficult to meet new people and make friends at a new duty station.

But think about the Boo Bucket you received during Halloween, or the new friends your kids made at school when they finally got to return, or the Christmas goodies a neighbor dropped off, or the relationship within your own family that may have grown during months at home.

During this holiday season, put those people at the forefront. Show love not just until the end of the year, but into the next one. In this life, our time with friends, neighbors, and our local community is so short. Make the most of it. Let the people you love know how they make your life better, brighter. Let love carry you this season if you’re celebrating far from home.

The third candle is for joy.

Joy means a state of happiness or felicity.

This is a toughie this year, huh? When things get hard, it’s easy to overlook joy. But with Thanksgiving only a little bit ago, I hope you were able to reflect on all the things you’re thankful for, the things that bring joy into your life.

For me, I found a surprising amount of joy during quarantine. It was a joy to snuggle with my kids and read a book. It was a joy to have the time to slow down. It was a joy to be the one helping a new skill click for my child. It was a joy to write letters to friends we couldn’t see and then finally making new friends as restrictions lifted.

Now that we’ve entered the holiday season, it’s a joy to see all the lights displays in my neighborhood and walk my kids down the street to look at them after dinner. It was a joy to hear their squeals of delight when the Christmas lights were plugged in for the first time. It’s a joy to sit by the Christmas tree and read a book in the evening. It’s a joy to cuddle with my husband and watch a movie, Christmas lights the only illumination.

Find the joy of a child this holiday season and into the new year. Let it be in the little things—not gifts, or shopping, or travel. Find it in each other.

The fourth candle is for peace.

Peace means freedom from disquieting emotions or oppressive thoughts.

Oof. This year, many of us experienced disquieting emotions or oppressive thoughts. It was a solid year of that.

But I want you to think about the weight you carry on your shoulders every day. Sometimes it’s more than we’d like. Our shoulders sag, our smiles tilt to frowns, our thoughts race (and maybe even our hearts), and we’re just so tired of it all.

And, my dear milspouse, this was exceptionally tough on you. You already carry a lot of weight, especially if your service member wasn’t or isn’t home. The duty of playing both parents to balance the absence of one is hard enough without a pandemic. Taking on the brunt of all the household duties is hard. It’s disheartening when we live at a location we don’t like, and especially so when we can’t travel or find new things. Family visits we looked forward to were cancelled, and the reinforcements lost.

It’s important to make peace with your experiences, with your choices, with the hand you’ve been dealt. You’ll have to find ways to let go of negativity, guilt, certain expectations, and experiences from your past. Someday.

Remember that there are people here to support you: your community, your friends, and your family, to carry you when you aren’t sure you can carry yourself, who can share the burden and lift you up when needed.

However you celebrate the holiday season this year, consider reflecting on the four candles of the Advent to find the silver lining in a year of hardship. Spread hope, love, joy, and peace, not only throughout December, but throughout the year. Explore the elements of each of those that are most important to you, closest to your heart, and maintain them into 2021. Find all the good that is out there, and hold it close when you do.