Engage. Educate. Encourage. EMPOWER.
Many things about milspouse life are AWNsome… but we admit, deployments usually aren’t one of them. Your AWN Command Team members have been there, done that (and might even be doing the deployment thing as we speak), so we want to make sure you have all the resources you need to thrive during what can be a challenging season of milspouse life. Click images below or keep reading for more from our blog.
Few Americans have missed the news from the Middle East in recent weeks.
It’s difficult to scroll through social media without seeing calls for war, specific response, restraint.
But in the military community, it isn’t the politics that matter as much to as what will happen with our service member spouses.
As we watch the news our stomachs drop through the floor.
Our chests tighten to the point we can only inhale shallow breaths.
Our hands shake a little.
Our hearts beat a tiny bit faster.
Images of yellow ribbons, hugs and kisses goodbye, waving flags, and overstuffed olive drab bags littering the entrance to our home, and uniforms in a combination of browns and greens packed tightly run through our minds.
It’s hard to stop that flow through the channels of our brain, the rolling images of what we’ve done before.
After saying goodbye to my husband four months ago, one of the soldiers of rear detachment stopped me in the parking lot and told me that if there was anything I needed help with during the deployment to please call him. This is not uncommon in the military world, and his words were comforting on such a raw, emotional day.
I told him there were two things I didn’t want to have to do during this deployment: buy a car and put my dog down.
Sadly, I had to do both this month and no other words will suffice…
It just sucked.
They said he’d be back in December.
No. They said he’d be back in November, but that hadn’t happened. At the last minute, he’d been detained, called to do something else—only God knew what. She’d set that Thanksgiving table up right, taking care to have all of his favorites set out in their festive dishes. She’d seen a surprise homecoming video a time or two. Who hadn’t? They filled the internet at this time of year, reminding the world that there were still people who made sacrifices. Of course, she wasn’t one of those lucky ones.
And she’d eaten as much of that turkey as she could in the week following and then frozen the rest…along with the pies.
Last week, her mission included a rash of mad-cleaning. No kidding, even the dust on the light fixtures was gone. The other spouses called it nesting or preparation. She called it distraction. Either way, it had gotten her through another day.
We all know him. He comes around every time our spouse steps out the door. And no, I’m not talking about the Amazon Prime guy (or gal) delivering your secret purchases.
No, I’m talking about someone much scarier. He goes by Murphy. Murphy’s Law of whatever can go wrong will go wrong.
As soon as your spouse steps out the door. Maybe he’s leaving for just an overnight live-fire. Possibly, it’s an even longer trip to the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, CA. Murphy doesn’t care the reason, he shows up regardless. Seriously, my husband has hardly ever been home when one of my children decided to explode with vomit. It has literally happened as soon as he has stepped out the door. My motto in life is to laugh through it all, so sit back and enjoy some of my finest Murphy’s Law moments.
I held him tight.
I thought perhaps the tighter and longer I held him, it would create muscle memory for me to run to when I needed it for next nine months of separation.
I tried to stay in the moment, but my eyes landed on families, children, husbands, and wives all around me wiping tears and giving their service member a last hug goodbye.
Saying “see ya later” at the deployment send-offs are simply the worst. It’s another “hurry up and wait” occasion that we as military families have become all too familiar with; however, this particular hurry-up-and-wait is brutal. Like pulling a band aid off, please make it quick and easy and as painless as possible.
Over the last almost 10 years, I’ve been working in senior living communities. Most of my days are spent connecting with those who have lived 80 years or more. Ever since my first holiday season working with seniors, I’ve observed that there are two sides of their holiday coin.
On one hand, you have tremendous joy and gratitude—it’s a season of giving!
On the other, you have grief and longing.
In most of their long lives, they’ve had tremendous joy alongside tremendous hardship. I only began to understand these two sides as I experienced my own hardship while my soldier husband, James, was away on his first deployment.
There I was, that mom with a screaming toddler on the floor of Chipotle. My blood pressure began to rise, I started to feel my facial pores open up, and could feel my oversupply of milk leaking. There I was, with two small humans and no spouse.
There I was, feeling like a failure.
Being a mother to a toddler is full of amazing firsts, a lot of joy, and a heart filled with love. It can also bring about challenging times. On top of those challenging times, let’s add in a new baby sister to the mix and a deployed dad. As a mother, you start to see these big emotions come through in your child—you want to help, but don’t know how. That night at Chipotle, I knew something had to change or it was going to be a long deployment.
How do we measure a year? A good question, and one that is front and center on my brain tonight.
It is Deployment Eve…
…one of the hardest nights for military families.
I can’t sleep.
The house is littered with duffle bags, packing lists, and emotional land mines as we face the 525,600 minutes that lie ahead.
It is assuredly not our first year apart, and as much as I would like to say that I have lost count, it would be a lie.
If you’ve had a loved one deployed, then you probably know that the first and last weeks of deployment usually feel the longest. There’s so much to do, and the days drag by slowly. To help you out, I’ve compiled a list of must-dos during that last painful week. You’re welcome in advance!