Go Away, Murphy
We all know him. He comes around every time our spouse steps out the door. And no, I’m not talking about the Amazon Prime guy (or gal) delivering your secret purchases. No, I’m talking about someone much scarier. He goes by Murphy. Murphy’s Law of whatever can go wrong will go wrong.
As soon as your spouse steps out the door. Maybe they’re leaving for just an overnight live-fire; possibly, it’s an even longer trip to the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, California.
Murphy doesn’t care the reason, he shows up regardless.
Seriously, my husband has hardly ever been home when one of my children decided to explode with vomit. It has literally happened as soon as he has stepped out the door. My motto in life is to laugh through it all, so sit back and enjoy some of my finest Murphy’s Law moments.
1. Hello, Murphy
When I was a young military spouse, no one warned me about Murphy. So if you’re reading this and you’re a new spouse—WARNING! He’s real, he’s bad, so prepare yourself!
One day after moving to our first duty station in Italy, I met Murphy.
My husband had picked me up less than 24 hours prior to our first meeting. My husband had already left to do a jump in Aviano, a town about two hours north of where we were stationed. Murphy came this first time in the form of three Eastern European men.
As I was sleeping in our government-furnished bed, I heard a loud knock on our apartment door. I stumbled out of bed to find these three men standing at my door. I stared blankly as they mumbled in a foreign language that they were there to pick up the furniture we wouldn’t need. Literally the bed I was just sleeping in. In my overtired stupor, I let them in and quickly pulled the sheets off the bed. They packed up that furniture so fast I didn’t have time to process what was happening, much less grab a much-needed cup of coffee. They left with tumbleweeds following them out the door.
All I knew was, the luxurious military sleeping bag my new husband left me didn’t look as inviting as that bed did.
2. Laboring with Murphy
There was this one time during my young military-spouse-hood that I was laboring with our oldest, thank you, post-deployment excitement. My husband was, thankfully, just at work this time, but a freak rainstorm blew in.
As I labored with my oldest, I watched the water rise outside the window of our Italian apartment. Finally, I decided to call my husband. He, of course, thought I needed to get to the hospital. Unfortunately, I was just letting him know that our garage was currently flooded and I, in the midst of labor, couldn’t move all the boxes of clothes and other treasures I gained from Italian thrift stores by myself.
Thankfully the rain and water went away. I was so relieved I didn’t have to bring my baby home by boat.
3. Crap, Murphy
Then there was this one time that my husband was summoned to the Joint Readiness Training Center in Fort Polk, Louisiana, for that dreaded pre-deployment training.
He left a couple of weeks after moving into our new-to-us home in Alaska. By this time, we gained two tiny roommates, just 19 months apart. These roommates don’t pay rent, they tend to eat all our food, and they leave messes everywhere. These boys, I love them, but how do they get themselves into these situations?
After enjoying my coveted nap time (seriously, those two hours were, and still are, bliss during the day), I walked upstairs to get my sweet angelic babies up. As soon as I opened the door, I knew something wasn’t right.
The smell… Oh, the smell.
I turned on the light and saw a completely naked 1.5-year-old in his crib. My other child was already hiding under the covers—he clearly knew a storm was brewing. My sweet, cherubic 1.5-year-old had stripped himself naked, removed his loaded diaper, and had decided to paint himself and the areas around him in his own medium.
In the midst of cleaning that crap (ha!) up, my oldest decided that he needed to go #2 as well. What is it with siblings and their bowels syncing? I mean, am I the only one with this issue?
Anyway, my oldest is known for his ability to clog a toilet and apparently that day was optimal. Side note: Lowe’s has a great selection of toilet augers, in case anyone should need that. I was literally swimming in crap. The phrase, “oh, crap,” has never been uttered more times than on that day.
4. Stuck with Murphy
And finally…
While enduring my husband’s fourth deployment, I ran into an issue that I’m sure has only happened to a few of us chosen ones.
Our house in Alaska had many positives. My favorite being the stone fireplace. But anyway, my least favorite was the air vents being in the floor. What is it with children and air vents? I’ve found many items hidden in the air vents. Superman, Spiderman, and my phone are no strangers to the vents.
As I was changing over the laundry, I heard the faintest little “help me, help me!” So naturally, I finished the laundry change over, and then went to investigate.
I mean, parents know by the sound the severity of a situation; this didn’t sound too serious.
I walked upstairs to find my chunky 2-year-old stuck in the air vent.
I stopped for a second to think (and take a picture, of course!) about how in the world was I going to get his thunder thighs out of the air vent. I was certain the fire department would have to make another trip (thanks, faulty carbon monoxide detectors for the previous two 5 a.m. visits).
I decided to try coconut oil, because isn’t it good for, like, everything?! After much rubbing, lots of oil, and lots of sanity, I wiggled my sweet toddler free. Not even exaggerating, his little chubby legs made a “POP!” sound as they cleared the vent. I looked over at my calendar to see how many days of this deployment were left…
Oh, good, only 225 days left.
Oh, Murphy, you get the best of us at times! But guess what? You never fully defeat us. Military spouses are strong, we’re resilient, and we have formed many strategies to get through your visits.
Until next time, Murphy, until next time!
