Changing Your Thoughts
“You can’t do it.”
“If you fail, you’re going to be a failure and an embarrassment to your family.”
“Remember how you didn’t pass the other certification you were studying so hard for? This is the same. You won’t pass.”
Welcome to my mind and the negative thoughts I hear while I’m studying for a certification in finance. These specific negative voices or lies can be powerful if you let them.
When I was in my early 20’s, my negative thoughts told me I wasn’t beautiful, I was too fat, my body or who I am didn’t measure up to the standards of my sister or my friends. I was always concerned with what other people thought about me to the point that I developed an eating disorder, which I battled for more than seven years. Sometimes, I still have those lies and thoughts creeping in. However, I learned to recognize those negative thoughts in my head and fight them with positive thinking.
In this season of life, the negative thoughts are different. They’re focused on my weaknesses. I’m not very good at math, yet here I am, studying for a certificate in finance. I’m still learning to recognize the negative thoughts, especially when the material is hard and I get discouraged because I can’t keep up. I question my intelligence as well as my ability to learn new material.
This new revelation reminded me of a book I read four years ago. It’s called Mindset by Carol S. Dweck. The book describes two mindsets. One is a fixed mindset, and the other one is a growth mindset.
The Fixed Mindset
The fixed mindset is based on your intelligence—where you measure your success or who you are based on how well you do in school or at work or other parts of your life without much effort. For instance, my fixed mindset believes that, because some of the material for my exam is hard to learn, it would be “easier” for me to avoid the challenge of sitting down and learning, as well as the possibility of failure (avoiding obstacles).
It “leads to desire to look smart and therefore a tendency to…” (Mindset, Carol Dweck, p. 245)
- Avoid challenges
- Get defensive or give up easily
- See effort as fruitless or worse
- Ignore useful negative feedback
- Feel threatened by the success of others
The Growth Mindset
The growth mindset is based on how you can develop your intelligence through new tasks, experiences, locations, etc.
It “leads to a desire to learn and therefore a tendency to…” (Mindset, C. Dweck, page 245).
- Embrace challenges
- Persist in the face of setbacks
- See effort as the path to mastery
- Learn from criticism
- Find lessons and inspiration in the success of others
After re-reading specific sections of the book, I realized I was stuck in the fixed mindset, and I needed to switch to the growth mindset.
But how?
How to Change Your Thinking
First, I wrote down all the negative statements and looked at them. I recognized a pattern. I was relying mostly on my intelligence to look smart in the eyes of others (I’m a people pleaser). Next, I re-wrote the statements that jumped into my mind the most.
Like: “You can’t do it. It’s too hard. You aren’t good at math. You’ll fail.”
Instead I wrote down: “I’m developing myself in the area of finance. I’m learning new skills I can use to help others. I know I’m a novice, and I’m learning through textbooks, webinars, and quizzes—acquiring new tools for my ‘tool belt.’ I don’t need to know everything at once and become an expert overnight. Everything starts with a small step.”
Just writing these statements, releases all the pressure I’ve put on myself.
Are you struggling with negative thoughts or a fixed mindset, too?
If yes, in what area? How are your negative thoughts or fixed mindset impacting your life and your decisions?
I want to encourage you to listen to the negative statements that hinder you in a specific area. Write them down. Look at them and eliminate the negative language.
Reword those phrases with positive and uplifting counterthoughts. Post them somewhere you can see them and repeat them until you believe them and know them by heart.
If a negative thought comes into your mind, you’ll know how to counter it with a positive uplifting thought.
