Cherish or Cling?

By Jamie Vukelich

Many moves ago, my husband, our infant daughter, and I moved back to the United States after an overseas posting. It was not my choice, and I was not happy. I went into it with my arms crossed and my eyes closed.

At night I dreamed about my old house, my old neighborhood, and the good friends I left behind. I emailed my “old” friends every week. When I met someone in my new community, I couldn’t help but tell them all about the great life I had before.

Hmm… Little wonder I did not make a lot of new pals.

I was clinging to my prior life—and clinging with both hands firmly in the past.

I was too busy clinging to build a fresh life in my new town. It was much later that I realized there are things to cling to . . . but when it comes to the past, it is better to cherish what was, rather than hold it in a death grip.

One definition of cherish is to “hold something dear, to value,” and the wonderful thing is you can value and hold dear your past while building a future. You can cherish the family and friends you left behind. You can cherish the memories of the good times you had. You may cherish the church you left behind and your family heritage and roots.

In the same vein, don’t try to bury your past or forget everyone.

Some relationships will endure no matter how many miles and how many years separate you. You know that friend that you can always call and have a yak and it seems like no time has passed? Now that is a gift to cherish. Your acquaintances may be many, but your BFF will be in your heart forever.

Is there ever a time after a tough move to be a “clinger?” Absolutely! When faced with the daunting task of building a new life (again!) we should cling to:

• the support of our family
• our faith and our values

Looking back now, it’s easy to say “aw, just let it go and get on with things.” When you are out in the deep water of a move, it’s harder to fight the current and move on. Nonetheless, it is a choice, and a choice that you may have to remind yourself about several times a day at first. As time goes on, it will get easier and easier to release the grip that the past holds on you.

Here are a few ideas that may help:

• Get your driver’s license updated with your new address. There, it’s official—you live here.
• Write down one thing about your prior home that you are having trouble releasing. Post it somewhere (on the fridge?) or keep it handy, and when the day comes that you realize you are “so over it,” you can ceremoniously toss the paper in the bin.
• Make a “home tour” video on your phone to send to friends and family. Briefly show them your house, your neighborhood, church, the kids’ new school—anything that tells them (and you), “Look at my new life.”
• Make a list of the good things about your new arrangement—come on, there have to be at least a couple.
• Dwell on Philippians 4:11-13 (MSG)

“Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Jamie is the Social Media Director at Just Moved Ministry. She, her husband, and their two children moved multiple times, including two overseas assignments.

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