5 Tips for the Deployment Half
A few weeks ago my service member and I celebrated the halfway point in his overseas hardship tour! In between working and trying to plan a trip to Korea to visit during his leave time, it snuck right up on me, but here it is, and now the rollercoaster can start making the descent, back to the safety of the corral it came from, back to a (somewhat) normal life together!
I have been so ecstatic since the 29th passed, marking us as over the hardship hump, and I figured it would be a decent time to impart some wisdom from a military spouse first timer dealing with a yearlong separation. We all have different experiences, different ways of coping with the situation we’re dealt, but here’s a few things that have helped me get through the past six months, and will continue to for the next six:
1. Don’t stress the small stuff.
It’s seriously my biggest piece of advice because it’s the most important for any relationship, especially a long distance relationship. All those small, petty things that seemed to matter when the two of you were together should be put to the side. There are far bigger fish to fry than worrying about why your service member didn’t text you last night. Focus on the big things, like how much this experience is a chance to get to know each other on a different level. Trust me, it’ll make a world of difference.
2. Dive into something.
Whether it’s a craft, reading, a job, volunteering, a pet, a child, or anything else you can imagine, dive into that thing that you have always been dying to get your feet wet with. Throw yourself at it head on. I was miserable sitting at home after my husband left, unable to find a job, but I went after something that wasn’t exactly my first choice in the occupation department and it ended up being just what I needed. It not only helps pay the bills but keeps me busy, focused, and feeling like I have a thousand things to share with my husband when we get the chance to chat. Plus, I’ve been able to expand on that motivation and pick up on a ton of other things that I have been meaning to get to!
3. Don’t focus on the end date.
As we all know, the military doesn’t always play fair. Departure dates, leave times, and R&Rs can get changed, especially when it seems most inconvenient. I know, it’s terrible, but roll with it. There isn’t much that can be done, and supporting your service member rather than getting angry about it will make a world of difference for your relationship.
4. Make friends.
I haven’t been fortunate enough to live on or near an installation yet, so my friend supply as far as the military is concerned comes from who I have reached out to and cultivated on my own. I have blogged, subscribed to, read about, supported, and encouraged so many other military spouses, significant others, and parents from behind this computer screen, and I have met some wonderful, caring, knowledgeable people from it who are more than happy to help a new military spouse out. If you reach out, you’ll be surprised to find how many are reaching back at you with something supportive to help you through. Make friends!
5. Remember that you’re in love.
Finally, do remember why we put ourselves through times like these. We love our service members, we love our families, and we want nothing more than to be together again. These tours, deployments, trainings, or assignments are rough on all of our relationships. Frankly, they are just about destined to fail it we let them. Don’t let them. Remember that it’s all temporary, you’re strong enough to get through this, and, of course, you love for each other. It will see you through, if you let it.
So as we breach the hump in our hardship tour, my husband and I are looking at this experience as a great relationship builder, a step in the direction of a better life together when he returns, and an ultimate service to a country that always prides itself on the sacrifices and hard work of its people.
I hope you all are strong enough to view it in the same light!
