Feeling Settled? Great, Let’s Move!
We moved from Fort Carson in the summer of 2012. In the middle of a deployment. After being evacuated from our home because of the wildfires in Colorado that summer, which is a whole other story.
We knew when my husband returned he would be starting graduate school, and it made more sense to move the kids during the summer than in the middle of a school year when the deployment would actually end.
Graduate school was a clear-cut two years. No wondering when the next time we would have to move would be, no waiting for orders. We knew exactly how long we would be here and when we would leave before the moving truck was even packed.
Leaving Colorado was incredibly hard on our kids. They had great friends, great schools, and a great neighborhood. We lived directly across the street from a beautiful park at the foothills of the mountains, for crying out loud! It was gorgeous, the people were all friendly, and we enjoyed every day of our time living there in truth. It’s no wonder Fort Carson is one of the top picks for duty stations.
The transition to the northeast was hard. People are different here, and the kids seemed to feel that if they already knew exactly when they would be moving again, then why bother getting to know anyone? Especially the two older boys who actively resisted settling in and making friends.
“What’s the point?,” I recall my then-12-year-old telling me. “We just have to leave anyways.”
Truth?
Not the way I see it.
Because there is a point. The point is that we are social creatures, and we can only guard our hearts for so long. While putting yourself out there and making friends means the goodbyes will hurt again when the time comes, it also means you get to live life and enjoy where you are while you can. It means learning that life can be interesting, engaging, and fun, no matter where you are, if you allow yourself to experience it, even when you know goodbye is just around the corner.
The point is forming relationships that can transcend the goodbyes, knowing that the value in those friendships and what we give and gain in them can change our lives positively and profoundly. Even if living in close proximity is only for a short while, you could make a friendship that will last a lifetime.
It took about a year, but they began to warm up to their new surroundings. They began to have friends who called to hang out and various parties, football games, and social gatherings to attend. Happiness and settling in crept up on them, despite their efforts to keep it at bay.
Just like I knew it would.
Now, with just six months to go, we’ve got a packed schedule between lessons, sports, and socializing.
Now, with just six months till we move, we are all finally feeling really settled in.
It’s a strange thing to begin preparing to leave a place that just finally began to feel a little bit like “home.”
Was it worth it? Was it right to encourage them to open up and let life in, knowing they would have to say goodbye again?
For me, the answer is yes. Absolutely.
For military kids, it is part of the sacrifice they make for their service member to serve. It is hard—I don’t deny that. They don’t have the luxury of growing up with the same kids, living in the same house, or having the same friends from Kindergarten to high school graduation.
But, it isn’t all about what they don’t have. Living this military life teaches them a great many things, and this is just one more lesson along the way. New friends, interesting places, and different experiences have their benefits as well! Realizing you can bloom where you are planted is a great life skill, and knowing people all over the country and all over the world is a wonderful gift.
For my kids, I hope the biggest lesson they gain from this brief window of time is that “home,” for them, can be any place where they choose to open their hearts.
How do you help your children transition from place to place? Do you encourage them to put themselves out there?
This sacrifice in some cases is too great . We were in the Army 20 years . Our son was 4 months old when my husband joined . He had very bad experiences in the schools and only ever made one friend he still periodically talks to at all at 25 years old , now. Most of the time he had no friends , he was picked on , bullied and terrorized and had no one to have his back in school . This was on and off post schools one winning an award as a blue ribbon school as he was taunted with knives and ended up at the ER at the hands of adult volunteers at the school (ft.campbell middle school).He still has a hard time making friends. Over the years his desperation to have friends as a teenager lead to tobacco,dug use and more just trying to fit in and be accepted. Why before our two younger boys reached school age we decided it was best to retire. It was for exactly what u think your kids don’t need and that is stability in their lives . Stability of a permanent home ,friends and extended family , a bigger suport system . They are at this point for 9 and 10 years old doing so much better than their brother socially and emotionally and in school and generally in life .
This sacrifice in some cases is too great . We were in the Army 20 years . Our son was 4 months old when my husband joined . He had very bad experiences in the schools and only ever made one friend he still periodically talks to at all at 25 years old , now. Most of the time he had no friends , he was picked on , bullied and terrorized and had no one to have his back in school . This was on and off post schools one winning an award as a blue ribbon school as he was taunted with knives and ended up at the ER at the hands of adult volunteers at the school (ft.campbell middle school).He still has a hard time making friends. Over the years his desperation to have friends as a teenager lead to tobacco,dug use and more just trying to fit in and be accepted. Why before our two younger boys reached school age we decided it was best to retire. It was for exactly what u think your kids don’t need and that is stability in their lives . Stability of a permanent home ,friends and extended family , a bigger suport system . They are at this point for 9 and 10 years old doing so much better than their brother socially and emotionally and in school and generally in life .
I lived this life & my kids have too. All in all I agree it was a good thing. We learned to adapt to things, that things weren’t always going to be exactly the way we wanted, that there are good people everywhere, & that home is where ever you make it. That is not to say we didn’t miss people or have some trouble being different places but I do think it made me & my kids (24 & 20 now) more flexible. Pretty soon my habibi may be retiring (28 yrs in) & I honestly think that will be harder than the moving.
Wow, I can almost insert my own name for Lora!! We left Ft. Carson for my husband’s master’s program (2 yrs.) but instead of east coast, we moved to Austin, TX. I never thought I could love a place more than Colorado Springs. Yep, it happened!! Now, my husband is in Africa so that my oldest can graduate high school here. Then we’re on to east coast-Ft. Drum, and Im crying my eyes out!! Yes, we will adjust just fine. After 23 years of active duty, I will say that this move was the hardest and this next one will be just as hard because we have high schoolers. It does get very complicated at that point, and much more difficult. I wish I could offer some advice, but we continue to just roll with the assignments, thankful for a wonderful career my husband has!