4 Ways to Make Solo Parenting Easier

As you probably hear quite often, military life usually has no shortage of separations. It’s hard enough being separated from your service member because Murphy’s Law often comes to light. It can get more trying when you have other engagements, but especially if you have children and solo parenting.

I’ve come to call the time I parent alone “solo parenting.” I know some people consider it “single parenting,” but I think that misses the mark. Milspouses are fortunate enough to have financial and emotional support from a spouse, unlike actual single parents.

But we certainly do parent solo for a period of time while our service members attend school, go on temporary duty, or depart for a deployment.

Solo parenting requires the solo parent to not only be the primary caregiver, but the only caregiver. There are no moments to tag in the other parent, no one to stay with the children while you run errands, no one to take the load off your shoulders.

But milspouses are fortunate that it’s only temporary.

I have three children under the age of 5. During a six-week separation from my husband, I was thrust into a period of solo-parenting. I learned a lot about myself, but I also found what I need to do to make it through.

Here are four ways to make solo-parenting easier:

1. Plan ahead when possible.

I know, I know. This is like asking the planets to align, but if you can manage to spend 10 minutes each evening prepping for the next morning, you’ll thank yourself. Gather your child’s school items, pack lunches, and set out clothes to save yourself some time.

Fight the urge to snooze those extra 10 minutes in the morning so you have an extra 10 minutes to get out the door (if you’re like me, you’ll need them). Use a lazy Saturday morning to prep a week’s worth of meals in resealable plastic bags so you can dump them into a crockpot in the morning (There are plenty of websites to help you do this, but here’s one I’ve used).

2. Maintain a schedule

This goes for you and your children. Maintaining a consistent bedtime schedule and routine can ease the transition without the second parent. Be sure to continue sitting down for meals with your children, even when you might usually stand in the kitchen scarfing down the leftovers on their plates (because someone always needs something).

Keep waking up at the same time each morning to make the mornings a bit smoother. Use downtime on weekends to take outings, participate in fun activities, and just get some fresh air.

3. Do your best to play both parents.

This isn’t easy, but it helps ease the transition. Sing the silly songs the other parent usually does at bedtime. Do the goofy dances your kids find hilarious. Cheer as loudly as you can at your child’s sporting events, even if you don’t understand it all.

Picking up the other role doesn’t replace the other parent, but your children won’t have to miss those special moments just because a parent is away.

4. Protect against burnout.

This is probably the hardest suggestion to put into practice. I believe that milspouses have to do so much in the day-to-day to ease the separation for both the child and the service member (factoring in communication periods, prepping care packages, catching all the special family moments), while continuing with their own job, volunteer work, and activities, not to mention household chores.

But try to do what you can for you. You cannot be at your best when you’re hanging by a thread.

Take time to do what you enjoy. Get a babysitter if you need a couple of hours outside the house (look into your CYS Parent’s Night Out, if you have one). Watch your favorite TV show or movie, cuddle up with a recent paperback, do some yoga, make up a special snack that you don’t have to share, or anything else you can enjoy once your children go to bed.

It’s like a mini-celebration for knocking out another day. Don’t forget to get out of the house: take a trip with friends to another state, the beach, a zoo, a favorite park, an amusement park, a festival, an aquarium, or a children’s museum. Try to do all of this without feeling any sort of parenting guilt.

 

Solo parenting is a whole other military life beast, but you can slay that beast by trying some of the above tips. And when in need, don’t forget to call on your friends and neighbors or family (if they are close).

You can do it!