Going Civilian

Fifteen years ago I embarked on the journey of military life. Up until that point, civilian life was all I knew. Military life seemed a whole lot like some crazy cult.

I was scared and nervous. Upon our first visit to an installation, I remember thinking that all of the buildings were brown or brick with signs with numbers—they all looked the same. How was I supposed to tell the difference between each one and know where I was?

When we arrived our first duty station, I felt completely overwhelmed. I moved with my civilian job, and my soldier stayed behind for training at another installation. I spent the first eight months of our military life not doing anything military, avoiding it at all costs. I built a life and friends right outside of the installation while ignoring everything that took place on it.

Worked for me.

When my husband arrived at our now joint location, he thought it was odd that I hadn’t participated in anything. I remember the first time he took me to the PX or to the commissary to look around and buy groceries. All of the stuff seemed so strange. Why did they have to see my ID to enter this building?

Of course, most anyone who has ever heard me speak knows the story of when the Family Readiness Group first called me. They wanted me to come to bake cookies and attend a “mandatory” meeting. I told the lady (bless her heart) that nothing was mandatory because I wasn’t in the military and that I don’t bake (which is completely untrue).

Yeah, I was a pain in the butt.

Eventually, I accepted this life and started to figure out all of this crazy. So much so, that this “crazy” became the norm.

I have spent many years of my life not even knowing that there were grocery stores other than the commissary or Walmart because we were stationed nowhere near a regular grocer. I’ve forgotten what it was like to shop in a real mall or eat in a fancy restaurant, because the only time I get to visit one is when I return home to our state of record.

In return for giving up all that, though, I was able to dig into this military life. I didn’t think that was something to trade ,but it is. Things are missing that I once thought were essential, but now I have replaced them with friends and volunteer work. Those common trips to the mall, grocer, and restaurants, now became family adventures. I traded modern convenience for the “inconvenience ” of traveling the world, exploring new places and meeting new friends.

Now, those things seem essential. They seem convenient and normal.

(My Ah-ha! moment) I have created a new normal.

Now, today, my normal is changing. It must be recreated. We are moving from the military life we have known for 15 years back into civilian life. My husband is on an assignment nowhere near a military installation. I didn’t expect this day to come for at least another five years, well into retirement.

You see, all of that craziness I thought military life was before I will now miss. Terribly. I will miss watching my children stand for retreat at 5 p.m. I will miss Taps at 11 p.m.. I will miss my gate guards. I will miss the respect. I will miss the commissary prices and the gas discount at AAFES. I will miss my crazy neighbors (sh, don’t tell them). I will miss MWR and ACS. I will miss the community.

I will miss fitting in and feeling a part of something bigger than myself. I hope our civilian community is embracing of our family. I’m sure it will be.

I will be fine. I know I will.

I will because military life has taught me how to adapt and change with my new terrain. It’s taught me to reach out and make friends faster and easier. It’s taught me what is important in life.

Like a military spouse always does, I will embrace the change with all of my might. Let’s be honest, though— not without being nervous, not without being scared, and not without all of the civilian life seeming like it’s some crazy cult.