Guiding Your Children Through a PCS

Here comes summer; here comes a PCS! You’ve probably made your to-do list to tackle the tasks, and you can pack and unpack blindfolded. For the most part, a move is not only predictable but expected, and you know all the right things to do to make it as smooth as possible for you and your family.

You also know it’s going to be hard leaving friends, but you aren’t ready to deal with the emotions of saying goodbye yet. In fact, you’ve probably packed all the emotions that swell up inside you on a day when you’re worn out and weary. Sometimes it’s easier to pack boxes than it is to unpack our emotions. Leaving people, places, and things we know and love, to go to unfamiliar people, places, and things, is not only a change and a disruption in our lives but a great loss.

We don’t attach just our lives to people and places; we attach our hearts.   

Before you pull out of the driveway for the last time, don’t forget a very important thing. Your children can struggle emotionally with moving as much, if not more, than you do.

Back up a minute. Let’s take a look at how to help keep communication open, offer emotional support, and help them grow through a time of change and transition. And maybe in the process, you’ll learn some things that will help you, too.

If you’re like most parents, sometime you just need some down-to-earth practical tips on how to help your children get through a move. In my 14 moves, I didn’t always get it right, and I made a lot of mistakes, but these are some tried and true things I learned along the way.

1. Get in the trenches with your children. 

Share some of the feelings you had when you moved as a child. This lets them know they are not alone with how they feel.

2. Remind your children that grieving is normal. 

Explain to them that a move is change, with change comes loss, and with loss comes grieving.

3. It’s okay to cry. 

Let the tears flow. Their friends and family are worth every tear.

4. Don’t forget the value of touch. 

A hug can speak a thousand words. Holding your child in your arms can break down emotional walls.

5. Laughter can soothe the heart.

Laugh a lot.

6. Spend one-on-one time with each child. 

It makes each person feel cared for during the chaos of a move.

7. Learn to read what’s in your children’s eyes. 

It’s amazing what you will learn. You can “see” sadness, hurt, happiness, and even confusion.

8. Give them unconditional love and acceptance.

Always and forever, and no matter what.

9. Listen, listen, listen.

…with your heart, with your eyes, and in between the lines of conversation.

10. Keep communication open.

Encourage your child to talk during times of emotional stress points. You’ll learn a lot about how they feel and how you might best help them.

11. Remember, your children are watching how you respond to moving.

What you say and do, how you respond or react, has a direct effect on them.

As you are sorting out this PCS, know that you and your family will get through this. God is faithful and will not forget you in your time of need. Children are resilient and will bounce back, and you will become stronger through it all.

Remember to provide a lot of grace to your children and yourself. Don’t let a temporary feeling turn into a permanent relationship issue. Working through the emotions of moving is never easy, but it’s worth the effort. Be sure your children know you care enough to reach into their world and come alongside them as they grow to learn and cope with life change.

From the book, But Mom, I Don’t Want to Move! by Susan Miller.

Available at justmoved.org.