How a Family Meeting Can Ease Holiday Woes

For me and so many others, the stress of the holidays can take away from the enjoyment of the season. It can be especially stressful if you have to split Thanksgiving or Christmas between different groups of family members (for example: parents and in-laws or parents who are divorced) or accommodating older children with their own families and in-laws. As it turns out, a family meeting can help.

In 2017 I wrote an article for Just Moved Ministry called 10 Tips for a Less Stressed Christmas. Tip one stated, “Sit down with your family and talk about what kind of Christmas you want. What traditions are most important? Which traditions can be dropped?” 

I was determined to take my own advice, so I gathered my family together to make plans for the holidays that would take each person’s preference into consideration. I thought I knew how each family member would respond, but there were some surprises! The best part is the process left each of us feeling heard, validated, and affirmed. There were no wrong answers and each desire was respected. This idea can be applied to any family gathering.

As we approach the holidays, I want to share how it worked for me and my family. In fact, it turned out to be the most enjoyable Christmas I’d had as an adult.

The Family Meeting

Early in December I called a meeting with members of my family who would be together for Christmas: my husband, son, and daughter-in-law. We met at a favorite restaurant and each took turns sharing one or two priorities that would help make Christmas special.

There were a couple of ground rules that we agreed to abide by: 

• Each person’s desire would be honored as significant.
• We would do all we could to accommodate each desire.

Our Priorities

I let everyone know that I didn’t want to spend hours in the kitchen (especially alone). There are so many things I’d rather do than cook and clean up! I’d never drawn any boundaries in this area before because I figured it was my “job” to make everyone’s favorite dish on the lovely china that had to be hand-washed.

My husband (always a party waiting to happen), just wanted everything we did to be fun! Whether we were cooking or playing a game, he wanted an atmosphere of play.

My son (27 at the time) said he wanted to be in charge of planning the food and wanted to do something he’d never done: cook a turkey. He proceeded to order the largest turkey that the butcher shop had—a 22-pound turkey for four people. The four of us worked together preparing the meal and cleaning up after—and we made sure it was fun!

My daughter-in-law made it clear that she wanted everything to be a team effort. She wanted us to work and play together.

Why It Matters

Your family meeting and the conclusions you reach with your family will look different than mine. Young kids, aging parents, or accommodating travel will necessarily have an impact on holiday plans. But I hope that, no matter who is part of your celebrations, you can make a priority of allowing everyone to communicate their hopes and desires and pull together to do all you can to honor those. It will be so much more enjoyable for everyone if you do.

By Ann Kelley, Director of Communications and Web Master  for Just Moved Ministry