How to Make Friends Fast in Military Life
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” —Dale Carnegie
Moving is almost always a given with military life. Quite frankly, I’ve been lucky to avoid it for our entire 10-year marriage with the exception of a move into a larger home, a total of five minutes from our first home.
Until now.
We’re unexpectedly PCSing 14 hours away. New state. New people. New everything.
I don’t know how you all seem to do this so flawlessly. I’m in awe. I’m excited and nervous. I’m thrilled and crying. I finally feel like a “real” military spouse.
Ha. I don’t even know what that means.
What I do know is that I’m set on building a community when we settle in a month or two. Here are my tried and true secrets to building friendships. I’m the queen of awkward introverted interactions, so if I can do this, I promise that you can, too!
1. Introduce yourself to your neighbors.
My goal is to get around to our immediate neighbors within the first week or two of moving in. Maybe I’ll bring something small. Once, I read about a military spouse who moved in during the summer when watermelons were super inexpensive. She wrote their names and her cell number in Sharpie on the melons, popped them in a wagon, and delivered them door-to-door. She made friends quickly! I’m not saying you have to buy or cook something, but walk out your door, ring the doorbell, and introduce yourself. Most likely, they’re curious to know you. So make the first move!
2. Plan a party.
Once you’re somewhat settled, invite your neighbors over for an open house or a housewarming party. No need to go crazy. Have it on a Monday from 6-8 p.m. and offer dessert and beverages. Or maybe a Sunday afternoon from 1-3 p.m. and set out a few light snacks. Make it short and sweet so neighbors feel okay with popping in.
3. Host a dinner.
Yes. This is a tough one if you are inexperienced in cooking or hosting. But I promise you, sharing a meal with your neighbors quickly creates a bond. Start with maybe one or two neighbors who you seem to connect with. Alternatively, if you have kids and a neighbor has kids similar ages, invite them over! When inviting, if they offer to bring something, say yes! Suggest a dessert or a side dish.
If you don’t know how to cook or you’re on a meal budget, here are some of my favorite go-to recipes:
- Take and Bake Pizza: It’s okay to serve pizza, especially if you have neighbors coming over who have children. Low-fuss meals are a great way to make people feel relaxed and comfortable. See Crappy Dinner Party at the end of this list.
- Chicken (or beef) and rice bowls: Toss some chicken or beef into a slow cooker with some spices (try a taco seasoning packet or a combo of garlic, salt, and pepper) and let it cook all day. Shred before serving. Make rice. Pick some toppings (tomatoes, onions, olives, avocado, corn, cilantro, cheese, salsa, sour cream, etc.). I love bowls like this because it’s easy to feed picky eaters or those with food allergies and intolerance.
- Spaghetti: You cannot go wrong with this unless you’re vegetarian, and even then, you can sub veggies for beef. I cook ground beef with onions and some veggies (or skip and just do plain ground beef). Once cooked, blend with a jarred sauce. Serve with pasta and a salad. Garlic bread if you’re feeling fancy.
- Feeling a little adventurous and just need some meal ideas that won’t break the bank? Check out BudgetBytes. I’ve made a number of her recipes and they have always turned out!
- Or host a Crappy Dinner Party. For real. We started this tradition with old neighbors years ago. We eat easy-to-prep food (see pizza above). I do clean a bit, but honestly, it’s basic, like ensuring the table is cleared and bathroom is wiped down. This has been the best friendship-building tool. We’re not totally in it for the food. We’re really interested in hanging out, but without the pressure of a fancy meal or a perfect house.
4. Schedule a play date.
Kids are a natural buffer for building friendships because you’re somewhat forced to hang out with other parents. Rather than cringe at that thought (remember, introvert here!), take advantage of a captive audience. Ask questions. I’m serious. Feel free to go deeper than the weather and how-are-you conversation.
Want to take this a step further? Host a weekly play date. I know. Insane, right? Possibly for an introvert, but not for my son who is more extroverted.
Last fall he asked me if he could have a club. We ended up inviting our neighborhood kids and a few school friends (about ten kids in total) for Creator Club. We met weekly right after school to do a project that was science- or art-related and then the kids played. The best part? I made friends right along with my son, and now I’m so sad to leave them!
5. Get Involved.
Do you go to a church? Volunteer. Do you have kids that go to school? Volunteer. FRG needs some help? Volunteer. Have a passion? Volunteer! There are endless organizations who could use your help and expertise. Think about what you love and get involved.
6. Invite your spouse’s (or your) work friends over.
Just like your neighbors, if you or your spouse connect with some people at work, invite them to your house. Or invite them to go out with you to an event or dinner or participate in a fun run. If you or your spouse connect with people at work, chances are, they could make good friends for your family, too. Military life puts us all in the same boat. We could all use additional people in our support network.
Building friendships takes time and effort. Don’t wait. You’ll be grateful for the friendships you develop along this narrow road we travel together.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
