Is It Me?

I have a tough time trying to connect. Is it me?

We’ve been at our new duty station for about a year and three months. Let me start by saying that I love our home, and I love having all the space I need in our home. The area is nice, but being stationed in a remote area makes me miss having a military community nearby. I say that because we all know that, no matter what, you can find a few friends with a common interest. You can spend time together and have fun and get to know a person fully and without judgment.

I very much miss that aspect of the military base/community.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. I’ve been finding a lot of ways to entertain myself with various crochet projects and home improvements.

To say I’m not lonely is a lie.

Is it me?

I did, however, manage to make a friend or two and try to meet them halfway with their interest and likes. I even went against my better judgment and attended a mom seminar at a local church. I’m by no mean religious, but I enjoy learning about others in the place that’s most comfortable.

A neutral area.

It’s also a bit uncomfortable being the only Black woman in the room. And yes, I do pick up when someone doesn’t like me or is uninterested in getting to know me or hear what I have to say. It’s hurtful and makes we want to draw further into myself.

Is it me?

I’ve noticed most of the women there will address each other but won’t speak to me even if I say good morning or hello. This is also common in the yoga classes I take. I’m thankful for my one friend, but I feel as if I can’t connect with people the same way based off a common interest.

A little bit about me: I’m eclectic. I can vibe with anything within reason. I love to have fun and talk about anything and everything just for the sake of inspiring meaningful and thought-provoking conversations. I’m energetic and outgoing and notice if a person likes me or not. I’m overly helpful but also do my absolute best to be kind and understanding.

I hope that I’m a good friend and would love the opportunity to be a best friend to someone other than my husband (ha ha).

Is it me?

I’m new to this small-town mentality, and I’m not sure that I’m a fan of it. It feels as if some people don’t want to take the time to get to know someone new or make weird assumptions based of what they think they know.

Why does it feel like some people go out of their way to make someone feel unwelcome and unwanted?

Is it me?

It has me thinking, is something wrong with me?

What is it about me that people just don’t like?

Do I talk to much? Probably. I don’t get any adult interaction, and (again) I spend most of my time alone and get a little too excited to interact with people.

I could stress about why people may see me as unlikeable, but it would ruin all the progress I made with my mental health and liking myself.

I shouldn’t let it bother me…

…but at the same time I’d like to know I’m not horrible.

I could be overthinking it, but at the same time, I don’t think I am. My mind races constantly. The reason I think or feel this way is because of past emotional trauma. I’m doing my very best to learn how to not let it affect my feelings or thought process.

Until I figure that out, I’ll continue to keep trucking along and doing what I do best and be myself. There’s a quote I keep seeing over and over and over:

“You haven’t met all the people who are going to love you yet.”

It was quoted by an unknown person, but it helps be get through the day. It shouldn’t matter who does or doesn’t like me. I like me.

I think I’m great.