Jack of all Trades

Just about everyone knows the phrase “Jack of all trades.” However, there is an ending of that quote that a lot of people forget, and that is “Master of none.”

Know a 40-something guy who hasn’t had the same job for over six months at a time? Jack of all trades, master of none. He might know a little bit about road construction, hardware, and selling cars, but he isn’t an expert on any one thing.

I am reminded of this phrase as I prepare to return to school and get my third degree. (Yes, my third degree. Don’t get too impressed, the first two were only associate’s degrees). There isn’t a lot of rhyme or reason to my schooling, though.

My first degree was in performing arts.

My second degree was in business and office technology.

I suppose this means I can act like a fancy secretary. I think I’m on to something with this next degree plan though—I’m going to shoot for the moon and get my bachelor’s degree. In accounting. My mother was horrified when I told her. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Mom, guess what? I’m going back to school to get my bachelor’s degree!

My Mom: That’s wonderful, sweetie! What are you going to get your degree in?

Me: Accounting.

My Mom: *prolonged silence*

Me: Ma, you there? Ma? MAAAA?

My Mom: No, I’m here. That’s… That’s… Are you sure you want to do accounting? Honey, you used to cry when you had to do math homework. In high school.

(At this point, I should tell you, dear readers, that my Mom is a math teacher.)

Me: Mom, no. This is easy math. This is applicable math! Not that quadratic equation nonsense.

(At this point, I should tell you that I have been known to call up my Mom and tell her that another day came and went and I didn’t use trigonometry once.)

Going back to school as a “non-traditional” student is a lot different than breezing in as an erstwhile high school senior.

For one thing, you have a lot more underclassmen asking you to buy beer. (By the way, don’t do it. They only want cheap PBR. You’re doing them a favor by keeping that swill out of their young, unsophisticated hands.)

For another thing, non-traditional students generally have a lot more demands than your average 18-year-old. For example, a house that needs cleaning, a husband to feed, and children to get off to school or daycare. This may seem daunting, but I am here to give you some tips and advice on how best to handle all these demands, and also rock your schooling.

Have a plan.

The last thing you want to do when you get home from class and get the kids picked up is be frantic over what to have for supper. The simple act of having a menu for the week can be a lifesaver. At the same time you are writing your menu, write out your shopping list. It doesn’t help to have a menu that has “tacos” for Tuesday night if you don’t have any hamburger in your house. If you have kids that take their own lunches to school, have a “lunch menu” for them as well. This will hopefully ensure that you aren’t packing PB&J three days in a row (guilty). Another pro tip—plan your Crockpot meals on busy days, such as when you have night class or parent-teacher meetings. Don’t have a Crockpot? Get one. Use it. Name it. (Mine’s name is Gordon.) Love it. You will wonder how you ever lived without it.

Have a schedule.

While this may not be the best option if you are worried about personal security, knowing that you should leave to drop off Kid 2 at daycare at 0810 in order to get Kid 1 on the school bus by 0841 can cut down on a lot of your stress. And don’t just think scheduling is just for moving people around. Cleaning schedules are great as well for reducing stress (at least until I can afford that cleaning lady). Bathrooms on Monday, laundry on Wednesday and Saturday, dusting on days that end in ‘Y’…the house stays fairly clean. Which leads me to…

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

This is not the time to decide that you are Superwoman and can do all those crafty crafts that you pinned on Pinterest, bake fudge for the FRG bake sale every week, and be the class mom/Cub Scout leader/Martha Stewart. Trust me, I tried and failed. If things are getting overwhelming, ask for help. Some kids will be happy to dust for a quarter. Some husbands will be happy to order pizza for supper. Your great friends will be happy to watch your little angels while you catch up on homework. If not, bribe them with fudge.

Remember why you are doing this.

For me, it’s not just about using up my G.I. Bill money before it expires (though the money does help). It’s about bettering myself. It’s about showing my kids that you are never too old to do something new. It’s a little bit about showing my Mom that I can, in fact, do math.

And if the forensic accountant job with the FBI and the David Boraneaz look-alike doesn’t materialize, then at least I will be able to do my own taxes.