Keeping His Memory Alive

Losing a loved one is a painful event, but the pain doesn’t stop after the funeral. The pain continues, and as loved ones we try to keep the memory and spirit of the lost love one alive.

Keeping Toby’s memory alive in all of our hearts is done daily. We do it by talking about him, attending events to honor him, and finding ways to make sure his legacy lives on. We have even created a scholarship in his name for ROTC students so that there will be service members for generations that will still speak his name.

We attend events that honor him. Just last month we attended a United States Air Force demonstration that featured the Thunderbirds. The Thunderbirds painted Toby’s name on the lead plane, and the kids got to see it and take pictures with the plane. The children were able to honor their daddy and have fun at the event.

That may seem like a strange combination, but I wish there were more days like that.

It’s hard for small children to only associate somber festivities with their fun loving dad. There are days you would do anything to see their face, hear their voice, or have them be a part of an important day or event.

The holidays are approaching quickly and that always seems to make things so much harder.

Toby loved doing things! He loved day trips and events that included everyone. On the tough days, like anniversaries or his birthday, I love to do what Toby loved to do. A trip to the zoo or a day filled with excitement makes me feel closer to my love. His kids remember his life and how he was so full of it.

There are events, like the one we went to last month, which help explain to small children that their daddy was a hero. There are stories that help the kids remember him.  There are stories of pancakes, babies sleeping on his chest, and trips that create a sense that he is still here for them. There are comparisons like eyes, temperament, and athleticism that allow the kids to feel like they are a part of him.

I think we all do this.

When we lose a loved one we want to feel like they are not gone. We want to feel like they are always a part of us. For many of our Gold Star kids, they are faced with limited time to fill their memory bank up with wonderful stories of their hero that they call Daddy. There are ceremonies and flags and men in uniform that speak of heroism and sacrifice, and there are also mommies that tell stories of love and laughter.

We do all of this just to keep his memory alive.