Loving the Invisible Spouse
Don’t let the title fool you; my husband isn’t really an invisible spouse. But I’m going to be completely honest here—it sure feels like it at so many points in this military life.
He’s a true superhero. He jets off right in the middle of a toddler meltdown to save the world. Who could be mad at that? People swoon over superheroes.
So why, at times, have I felt as though I spend more time with the bagger at Kroger than my own husband?
It’s just what comes with this lifestyle. And because of that, we have to be intentional about our relationships. But how do we do that when they’re thousands of miles away on FOB Whatchamacallit?
Trying to put a positive spin on deployments, my husband and I have always tried to use them as a time of growth. We try to “date” long-distance again.
Do you remember when you first met your spouse and you got those butterflies in your stomach?
Remember those late-night texts, calls, or Skype conversations—or if you’re really “seasoned” those snail mail letters?
Those things that left you yearning to kiss his/her soft pillowy lips?
That’s what I’m talking about here!
Deployments can be used for good. Use those pent up love emotions to date your spouse again. Nothing like nine months or more of building up steam, am I right? There’s a reason installations boom with babies nine months after a return ceremony.
All. That. Steam!
Anyway, my husband and I also used couples devotionals while he was deployed. We would read them separately and then come together to discuss the readings via Facetime or phone call. Not only did it give us something to talk about other than the usual kids-are-alive-the-house-hasn’t-burned-down-yet-and-the-dog-hasn’t-been-eaten-by-a-bear mantra, but you might be surprised by the connection you feel even with much distance between you.
Right before his return, I typed out a rundown of what has changed in our routine. Because that’s what’s crazy about our spouses. They wave “see you later” to a baby and come home to, basically, an adult. That’s exaggerating a bit, but you get what I mean. Unless your service member is equipped with a special mind-reading device, they won’t know these changes. My husband has commented several times on how helpful that was to him!
Finally, let’s not forget those little people. Remember them? The ones you created after deployments one, two, three, and four? Well, maybe not that many.
Anyway, it’s hard on our military kids to have mom or dad gone for months at a time. I’ve mentioned this in prior blog posts, but my husband sent books to my children that only he could read. You’ve never heard the panic in my boys’ voices like when the babysitter tried to read dad’s “special” books. They loved the books. I truly believe we made it through deployment number four with an inch of sanity because of those books.
Although this lifestyle is long and exhausting, it’s for good reason. Our invisible spouses are truly heroes.
If you find yourself in a dark corner repeating those two sentences over and over, well, chances are you’re in the midst of a deployment. It has truly been one of the biggest struggles in this lifestyle, loving an invisible spouse. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because when they come home, throw those boots down for us to trip on in the morning, the world is right again. They’ve saved it, and man, let me tell you.. that’s hott with two Ts!
