Make the Best of A New Duty Station

My husband gave me a profound reminder today: “No duty station is ever as good or as bad as everyone says it is.”

Think about that a moment. Part of this statement may be disappointing and seem negative, but hopefully some of it encourages and offers hope.

We’ve received orders to a couple of great locations, and we’ve gone with all sorts of high expectations. Some of those expectations, directly told to us, have included:

“The work hours are awesome—strictly 0700 to 1600 for everyone!”

“You’ll take some exciting TDYs to interesting places.”

“There is so much to do, and you’ll get lots of family time to do it.”

Unfortunately, those things haven’t always proven to be true. So not as good as everyone said it would be.

We’ve also received orders to a few places that we did not want to go. When announcing these locations to friends, we’d get, “Ugh, so sorry!” or “Oh, no!” Of course that would make us even more nervous. However, once we settled into these “dreaded” locations, made a few new friends, and got to know the areas better, we always grew to love it. So not as bad as everyone said it would be.

I am typically careful of how I talk about duty stations with other military families. What I may dislike about a place may be the very thing someone else likes, and vice versa. I also want to be as encouraging as possible, because even if a new place is challenging at first, we all know it really is what we make of it that determines our experience.

Here’s a few of my “learned from experience” tips and tricks to help make what you think may be the worst places become the best:

1. Find good friends.

For me, church, a Bible study group like Protestant Women of the Chapel, or my neighborhood is where I find my closest friends. It’s the people you will see again and again who are willing to build into your lives, help you when needed, and prove themselves trustworthy and encouraging.

Years ago, I attended an Army Wife Network Field Exercise. It was a fun-filled night with games, giveaways, encouragement, and resources for military spouses. I will always remember, one of the founders of AWN saying something like this, “If you come across the same person at your new installation three different times, in three different places, chances are you have something in common and you should become friends.”

2. Get involved right away.

Don’t waste too much time sitting around moping about your new location and how much you hate it. Transitions can typically be tough, but if you get out, meet some people, and stay busy, things start looking up.

When we first arrived at Fort Irwin, California, I had no children and I was stuck alone in the hotel while my husband was out in The Box (the remote desert training grounds). I discovered the installation was holding an expo to learn more about the installations. Rumor had it they were going to showcase some desert creatures or at least tell us about the dangerous ones to stay away from. I was game—anything to get me out of those four small walls and talk to some nice people.

Once Fort Irwin’s PWOC summer session began, I attended the first meeting. I met some more great ladies, and I added myself to their roster. They later contacted me to help serve ice cream at the hotel for all the newcomers. I was in! It was another opportunity to get out, volunteer, and meet some great people. There, I met a young lady with two children (one was just a baby) who was going to be stuck in the hotel for six weeks before getting into a house. We chatted a bit to get acquainted, and she later let me come to her new house and help her unpack her boxes. I hadn’t even gotten her last name yet! But as military spouses, stuck there together, we were helping each other. I later met a whole crew of ladies who became my battle buddies for the remainder of my time there. We stayed close and I will forever be grateful for their friendship.

SFRGs are another great way to meet others in your own unit, get involved, and volunteer. These groups provide countless activities, and volunteering with them can be a lot of fun. I’ve always taken part in every SFRG and had amazing experiences. They can also be where you meet some of your closest friends. The families involved are all going through a lot of the same things you. Stay tight. You may have to fully depend on them at times.

3. Explore.

When I first married my husband, I moved to where he had already been stationed for a year. Everything was new for me: the installation, the nearby towns, our church. I remember visiting a church where I met some sweet, young couples. They told me, “Just drive. Drive all over and you’ll see what’s around.”

My family and I now do enjoy going on short drives. Sometimes it’s nice to get out of the house and have a change of scenery, even if we don’t have a place to go. When we arrive at a new duty station, that’s one of the first things we do. We drive or walk around the installation just to see what’s there. We then drive to the surrounding nearby towns. We’ll take brochures from the hotels and familiarize ourselves with the top-rated activities or excursions that we may want to check out.  And our favorite: we look up popular coffee shops, and sample them while the kids enjoy a treat at each place.

Other notable office you may want to check out is MWR (Family Morale, Welfare, and Recreation), who plans a lot of fun events and connects you to the installation and community activities, and even Information, Tickets and Travel or Leisure Travel Office, who can hook you up with discounted tickets to local amusement parks, excursions, airfare and more.

4. Keep the family together whenever possible.

My husband and I made an agreement when we were first married: We will never live apart from each other as long as the Army doesn’t force us.

For example, when I was having an awful transition to Fort Irwin, and my husband was in The Box all the time, it was tempting to consider leaving for that stint. I can’t deny that just briefly, the idea of going to live near family and coming back to visit him whenever he was around crossed my mind.

But I challenged myself with this: when I said “I do” to my husband, I said “I do” to the Army, too. In the good and the bad, I needed to stay and support my husband. I’m so glad I did, as I learned a lot through the experience. We had our first child there, and it became a very special place for so many other reasons. I was actually sad when it was time to leave.

Something similar happened a few years later when my husband received orders to South Korea—I did not want to go! We considered having him go for a one-year tour on his own, as was originally assigned to him. But again, if we didn’t have to be apart, we didn’t want to be. My pregnant self and my toddler applied to go with him, making the tour a two- to three-year stay. The transition there was tough, too. Shortly after we arrived, my husband took off for a three-week exercise, and I was left alone in a new country with a confused toddler, trying to prepare for our new baby’s arrival. But we ended up completing the two-year tour, extended for a third year, and we ended up loving it!

Sometimes, situations like these are not fun. They are certainly hard. And so lonesome. But if you can make a few good friends, get involved, explore your new area, and do it together as a family, within a few months, it can really turn around. I feel these experiences have given my family a very well-rounded military life, for which I am grateful. If I had given up on some of them, I would have failed to benefit from so much, especially time with my husband that I could never get back.

If you are not enjoying the duty station you been assigned to or you’re having a difficult time transitioning to your new area, I hope you will give some of these tips a try! Take a few months to get acquainted with your new home, and in time it can only get better. Don’t give up. You have the power to make the best of the worst with any duty station.

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