Meet Contest Finalist: Teresa Fowler, Army Veteran and Spouse

“What can I do to help?”

That is the first thing that my husband says when he comes home from work. After 21 years of our marriage, 4 kids, multiples deployments, challenges, victories, and disappointment…that question never gets old.

He didn’t always ask that question.

It took years of getting to know each across oceans, in separate countries, then states, then finally the same house for us to realize who the other person was and what they needed.

We met on a blind date a week before he was headed to Vilseck, Germany and I was still in college. It was love at first site for me and love a few months after that for him. I was already in Army ROTC, convinced I would do 20 years. We dated long distance for two years and I commissioned, got married, and said goodbye to my new husband all within 10 days of 2002.

Marriage during Wartime

We spent the next five years more apart than together as we deployed from Germany to Iraq (2x for me), Iraq and Afghanistan (him). We became great at communicating over emails and satellite phone calls.

At the end of those five years we were about to move stateside, our daughter was born in Germany, and we realized we were not very good at communicating face-to-face. We were both very independent, had our own way of doing things, and had not had to live together for long periods of time- and now throw in a newborn.

What looked like a perfect family on the outside actually had a lot work to do on the inside.

It would take two years of being in an environment with a church that offered counseling, friendship, and stability to turn our marriage and relationship around.

That is when, after 7 years of marriage, he started asking “What can I do to help?

Sometimes there is nothing he can do to help.

Sometimes it means listening.

Sometimes it means taking the kids to dinner so I can have 2 hours to myself.

Sometimes it means talking me through a problem (he gives really good advice).

But above all, I do not take that question for granted. I know that question makes him unique.

I know there are so many husbands out there who do not ask that question or do not even think they need to ask that question.

I love my husband because he does ask it, because he does see the need to ask it, because he knows that just by asking it, he knows it makes my days a bit easier.

This is why I am most proud of him.

If I could give advice to any newly married couple, it would be to learn early that you are a team. This world is hard, and it can be ugly, and it can be rough.

But if you go into this truly believing that you are teammates, it makes the world a lot easier to stand up to and many reason to feel proud.

 

Teresa is an Army spouse of 21 years, Mom to 4 remarkable kiddos, Realtor in the Hampton Roads Virginia area, Professional Photographer, and Army Veteran, who loves to travel. 

She is overjoyed that her passions of travel, photography, real estate, mom and military life have allowed her to assist others in finding those perfect homes, vacations, and photographable moments. 

She loves making memories with her kids, friends and family. But like a classic introvert, She is the first one asleep on a comfy couch in a group of close friends.

 

* Read more essays from the Proud to Be Contest.