Military Life This or That

I have been loving the different “this-or-that” posts that have been roving around social media. You know the ones I’m referring to, right?

Do you like coffee or tea?

Mountains or beach?

Sweaters and boots, or flip flops and shorts?

As a social media manager, I use this-or-that posts to remind clients about options. And it works. People love to give you their preferences and tell you exactly what they want.

But you know what I haven’t seen yet?  A this-or-that for military spouses. Which is strange, right? I mean, who gets to make more choices in their life than a milspouse?

Like, which option do you prefer: a Fort Hood 110-degree summer or a Fort Drum 9-feet-of-snow winter?

A PCS in December or a PCS during the first month of school in September?

An unaccompanied tour to Korea or deployment to the Middle East?

Yes, I jest! Our lives are dictated to us by the unknown forces that we call “branch” in my home. PCS locations are up for bid in the marketplace. And when it’s promotion time, you never see the faces behind “the board.”

So, why do we stick with it? What is it that makes this life of non-options something that we choose to do year after year? What if I told you that it’s an answer that I tend to roll my eyes at? What if I told you it’s because military life and all its trials and sacrifices are key to personal growth, learning to love myself, and be proud of who I am?

Here are four reasons I’m grateful for things in my life I never would have chosen for my personal this or that.

1. Independence.

I’m talking about tough decisions, big responsibilities, and finding my strength to manage it all on my own. I know I’ve learned to do things I never imagined I would have been able to do and had the inner strength to deal with problems that I would have rather walked away from. Like that one time in Germany, I was startled out of sleep to see a mouse sitting in the doorway of my second-story bedroom. That was during our first deployment when I was convinced that a rogue, boldly unafraid mouse was the worst thing Army life would ever place in my path.

2. Grace and Perspective.

What really matters when you are loading your crying kids into the car after saying goodbye to your soldier for a third deployment? Hint: it isn’t the dishes. I admit to wallowing in a house so disorganized and unkempt I pretended to not be home when someone knocked on the door. Now, looking back, I realize that taking time to be sad and mourn another year apart was self-care. I needed that week to be able to reset and get back into a routine that didn’t include Daddy being around. We are so hard on ourselves. Military spouses and children are the poster people for the word “resilient.” I’ve learned that sometimes we need to give ourselves the grace to wallow a little before we get there.

3. Real Friendship.

I’m talking about friends who share meals, make memories, become honorary aunties and uncles
to your children, and then move halfway across the world, but you know you can still count on them and they can count on you. The ones who commiserate on how they never wanted to live in your current PCS location either, but help you make the best of it by exploring local haunts, eateries, or initiating a trip up a local hiking trail. And, the ones who drag you out for a coffee run because they sense you need to just breathe for a minute and stop being resilient. These are the ones we know will be there and understand even better than your family ever could.

4. Everyday Life.

When your spouse is gone for 50% of your marriage on a TDY or deployment, you miss everyday life with them. Yes, it’s annoying that I tripped over his boots because they were in the middle of the room. No, I don’t love that half my garage is Army gear. But when he’s gone I miss it all. The annoying, sweet, sentimental, irritating, and loving. So, we military spouses really learn to appreciate what I’d call “small stuff.” Time together laughing, holding hands to walk out to get the mail, a 10 p.m. dinner after the kids are in bed because he had to work late again. It’s about finding small bits of positivity in whatever the next thing military life brings our way.

There are so many more ways I have grown as a military spouse. I never would have chosen some of the paths the Army dictated to us, and yet, as 2020 wraps up and 2021 begins, I know that those paths have been integral to who I am.

So, in honor of a new year and another 365 days of non-options, consider your version of military life this or that and how it’s made you the amazing military spouse you are.