Navigating Deployment During the Holiday Season

The holidays can be a magical time as the world around us seems to feel wrapped in joy and wonder. For many, though, there will be an undeniable void in their homes and hearts this holiday season as military loved ones are fulfilling deployment orders around the world. 

At any given time, there are more than 150,000 troops deployed in territories outside of the U.S. Family members left behind struggle to manage the home, finances, and children. Many military families live away from their hometowns or where family may reside, making travel the only option to spend time with family and friends during the holiday season. 

The immediate family of military members are individuals we view as “on the front lines” at home. Spouses, caregivers, children, and other individuals who reside within the military community carry burdens often unrealized by the civilian community. 

Hope For The Warriors believe these individuals deserve to be supported and recognized not only during the holiday season, but all year long. This year, we are recognizing those families (spouses and children) of deployed military members in a way that focuses on self care, creative outlets for families and children, and resources that can help during times of doubt or struggle. 

Let’s start with you, the spouse who is exhausted, feeling emotionally drained, and fighting to keep it together whenever you see sweet families celebrating the holidays. We see you and are here to support you. 

Here are a few things we want you to know:

1. What you feel is valid.

Let’s acknowledge that those feelings of sadness, exhaustion, and frustration are normal and completely acceptable. Your feelings are valid. You aren’t weak for feeling them but utterly and completely human. 

Say it with us: “I am strong enough to handle anything that life throws my way. I am capable of doing difficult things.” 

2. Give yourself grace.

Forgive yourself and own those moments where you may have been short-tempered or were forgetful. 

3. Use the months apart for you.

Use them to strengthen your relationship with yourself, strengthening the connection you have with yourself to strengthen your relationship with your spouse, children, and all others who are active in your life and community. 

Fill your idle time with exploring new hobbies, continuing your education, pick up the book you have put off reading, volunteer in the community, and step out of your comfort zone by joining a social group. 

Set goals for yourself to keep moving forward. Being married to someone in the military can take up a lot of your identity but you can use this time to grow in other areas of your life. 

4. Support your military kids.

From a young age, our military kids are forced to take on big emotions, emotions that we as adults may struggle to control. Create open dialogue around emotions, feelings, and acts of expressing these in your home. This can be done through mood charts of printed emojis to help your child identify the emotion they feel. Check out some of these great example on Pinterest!

5. Unplug and connect.

In a world where we’re constantly plugged into technology, creating boundaries with electronic devices and being intentional about finding time to connect as a family is extremely important and often misunderstood. Be open to enhancing the moments that are already present in your day—driving your kids to school, making a meal, and before bedtime are all good times to cultivate connection with our children. It’s during these times where you can have meaningful conversations, but how do we begin?

Creating a conversation with our children can be tricky! Sometimes it feels like we’re hitting brick walls when we ask, “How was your day?” or “What did you do in school today?” and our children often provide vague answers, not really participating in the conversation.

There’s a reason for that!

For kids, broad questions can cause underlying stress after a long day at school, which leads to short one-word answers. Instea, it’s try asking concrete questions. Child Psychologist Dani Kauffman, iin an article published by Melbourne Child Psychology, shares some great suggestions on questions to ask your child and what you can learn or gain from them and their responses.

Based on this information, come up with a few questions to ask your children daily. This may look like the following:

• “What friends did you interact with at school today?” 
• “What did you have for lunch? Was it yummy? What else would you like to have for your meals during the day?”
• “What is your class reading right now? Are there any books you are interested in reading at home?”
• “What was the best feeling you had today? What led to that feeling?” 

6. Practice gratitude as a family.

Even on our most challenging days, before we lay our heads down to sleep, there’s always something to be thankful for. Say them out loud or write them down. Let this be a part of your evening routine. By incorporating gratitude practices in your day, you can curb negative thoughts and improve your overall mood. To explore the benefits of having an “attitude of gratitude” check out this great article in Positive Psychology. If you’re interested in understanding how to develop an attitude of gratitude, go here. 

Other ways to practice gratitude:

• Keep a gratitude journal, noting the things you’re thankful for each day.
• Have your family say three things they’re grateful for that day.
• Do room scan. Look around the space you’re in and identify three things you’re thankful for. In a child’s bedroom, this can look like a family photograph, a stuffed animal, or a music box. Outside, this can look like the swaying trees and leaves, the shining sun, or the fresh air.

7. Tap into your creativity. 

Creativity can be the silver lining in a challenging situation. This doesn’t always mean pulling out your craft box and digging out the glue and glitter. This is what we mean: 

• Plan family days to celebrate deployment milestones. 
• Treat yourself at the end of each month of the deployment that you complete. Go out to a family favorite restaurant or ice cream shop—do something to celebrate!
• Plan weekly dinners, coffee dates, or meet-ups with friends.
• Create a kiss jar so you’re never without a sweet kiss.
• Make a paper chain countdown, or create a count-up, writing your gratitude inside each chain.
• Work on care packages for your loved one.
• Create a deployment wall with a world map, clocks, countdowns, photos, and more. 

8. Be resourceful.

It’s important to know that you’re never alone during this time. There are resources available to support you every step of the way. Below are some of fantastic resources available for military families and the children and spouses of deployed service members:

• Military OneSource
• Blue Star Families
• Hug A Hero
• Sesame Street for Military Families
• Seasoned Spouse: Giant List of Resources
• National Military Family Association
• Center for Deployment Psychology   

Military deployments can be incredibly difficult to navigate on your own, but with the right support, families can feel connected and comforted during this time. Whether your military member is away during the holidays, a child’s birthday, or a family milestone, there are options to “make the most” out of the time apart.

This is not to say you’ll be without bumps in the road, but an ability to identify issues, reach out for support, and practice self care are all ways to combat loneliness and other adverse emotions often brought on by time apart. Use the tips and resources provided in this article, and if you’re in need of further support, reach out to your community. Hope For The Warriors is here to support you during all seasons of military service.

By Kristy Schwartz for Hope For The Warriors

Since 2015, Kristy Schwartz has served as the Military Spouse & Caregiver Scholarship Lead & Social Media Coordinator for Hope For The Warriors. Kristy received a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies from Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania and continued her education at Rutgers University in Social Media Marketing. Kristy feels very fortunate to advocate for higher education and employment for military families as she spent many years as a military spouse moving from Jacksonville, N.C. to Iwakuni, Japan to Beaufort, S.C. Kristy currently resides in Pittsburg, Pa. with her five-year old son.