Recon Rendezvous: Milspouse Marriage Advice (Part 2)
Welcome to AWN’s Monthly Recon Rendezvous! We’re so glad you’re here. As the name implies, Recon Rendezvous is a place of community and connection. It’s an opportunity to explore and learn about our fellow military supporters’ lives, victories, trials, and experiences.
Each month, we “rendezvous” here to provide information, resources, and encouragement. Thanks for contributing to your interactive empowerment for military spouses around the globe!
If we based our ideas about marriage on the movies, we would undoubtedly be shocked to discover the stuff in our everyday married lives that never shows up on the big screen: squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle instead of the end, the hazards of nearly “falling in” when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night because someone left the seat up, how the bread is never sealed with the twisty-tie but instead is spun and tucked back under… Yeah, not the romantic homecoming kissy-kissy moments we see in the cinema.
But here’s the thing about military marriage: While it isn’t always romantic sweep-me-up hugs and kisses long enough to embarrass the kids, there are still some really great moments, even in the mundane and challenging seasons. However, those great moments don’t happen unintentionally. Like everything, military marriage requires work.
When “doing work,” one of the best ways I’ve discovered to find success is getting input from those who have been there, done that, and are still successfully making it happen.
Thus, welcome to part two of four in this milspouse marriage miniseries. If you missed out on Part 1, click here to get caught up. We’ve asked our AWN followers how they keep the home fires burning when the wind is blowing and things are smoldering in our relationships. Here’s what they had to say.
“Keep doing the little things that make your partner smile—they add up! As many people have said before, put your marriage first. The best way to raise healthy and happy kids is to maintain a healthy and happy marriage. Good kids don’t make a good marriage; a good marriage makes good kids. So keep your marriage the top priority.” — Anna B.
“Understand that there are some things you can’t control, especially when it comes to the military. Deployments, training, extra duty, PCSes to places you may not want to go. Even when it’s hard to accept it and move through it, this could be the best thing you can do. And of course, don’t blame your spouse, because the majority of the time they can’t do anything to change the situation either.” — Mary O.S.
“Communicate. Seek counseling. Take time out for just the two of you. Every redeployment is pretty much a starting-over point, and you have to learn how to live together again, what roles you each play in the family, etc. Don’t give up. The military will use and abuse you, but don’t let it get the best of you. Take lots of deep breaths and stay strong. You can do this.” — Erin R.
“Compromise and sacrifice. Everyone must be willing to give a little. The service member cannot control the demands of their job. It’s important that everyone contribute to the family.” — Patricia S.
“We attended every marriage conference we could: Strong Bonds, A Weekend to Remember, and local churches. We even did Bible studies together when he was deployed. A cord of three strands is not easily broken! We stopped fighting the inevitable, forgave, and developed a team mentality.” — Gina M.
“Be patient!” — Suzanne M.
“Communication is key! Also, try not to take everything personally. Sometimes it isn’t about you at all. Sure, it’s annoying at times, but you just need to adjust your attitude and move on.” — Eve D.
“Take time to connect—put away the phones and turn off the TV to do something you both enjoy. Do things with your spouse that you may not enjoy, but that you know your spouse enjoys (and they should reciprocate). Don’t overlook intimacy—this is more than just sex, but ensuring you and your spouse remain connected. If you feel you aren’t connecting, find those ways to reconnect. If you can’t manage on your own, seek out assistance. The military offers plenty of counseling options. Remember that fighting is okay in a marriage and doesn’t mean you’re doomed. Try to remind yourself that it’s not about fighting with each other, but fighting for each other.” — Sarah P.
You know we love to hear from you, dear readers. Did anything jump out at you today? What would you add? We invite you to leave a comment and share this post. Part three is coming on the first of next month, so stay tuned!
