Recon Rendezvous: Milspouse Marriage Advice
Welcome to AWN’s Monthly Recon Rendezvous! We’re so glad you’re here. As the name implies, Recon Rendezvous is a place of community and connection. It’s an opportunity to explore and learn about our fellow military supporters’ lives, victories, trials, and experiences.
Each month, we “rendezvous” here to provide information, resources, and encouragement. Thanks for contributing to our interactive empowerment for military spouses around the globe!
I’m not one to get fired up and rant about stuff (and really, compared to some of the hoopla we see on social media, I’m not sure if what’s coming is even classified as a rant). But, there’s one response that people give me when I’m trying to articulate the struggles of military marriage that grinds my gears:
“Well, you knew what you were getting into when you married him.”
Did I really? How could any of us know beforehand? Sure, I could have googled “ways to make a military marriage work,” but unless there was some fancy DNA/personality screening required, which also included his MOS and my chosen career path, I don’t think I could have predicted what being married to the military would be like.
It’s one of those things that we have to jump in with both feet to understand, holding fast to our courage with the faith that, if we’re called to do it, we will make it happen. We don’t know what we are up against until we’re in it to win it. Like parenting. Or running a marathon. Or going to the commissary on payday.
We don’t know what we’re getting into when we get hitched to our service member. But do you know what? That’s okay. Most of us are kind of making things up as we go, learning from those who have gone before us… like these AWN followers who so generously shared their milspouse marriage advice.
So without further ado, here’s part three of this miniseries. (You can catch up by reading Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed it.)
“You must be independent! Find your thing! If you don’t have your own interests, you’ll be miserable sitting around waiting and waiting for your service member. Learn early that the military comes first; that’s why it’s called serving. It doesn’t mean you’re loved any less, but the mission is priority…you can’t compete with that.” — Kellie F.S.
“Always be prepared for last minute changes, whether it’s military or civilian-related. A Strong Bonds marriage retreat shows you how to build a good foundation for a healthy marriage and family.” — Jess V.
“Don’t sweat the small things! Like when they leave their dirty clothes on the floor right next to the hamper or not putting a fresh toilet paper on the roll. Just do it without saying anything.” — Grace L.
“Have patience. Listen and understand your partner the best you can. It’s all about communication.” — Stella S.
“Keep the romance alive. Keep doing those things you did for each other while dating to continually ‘win them over.’ Praise, support, and encourage one another. Have open communication. And make time for just you two without your children.” — Amber C.B.
“I quickly learned that, in order to keep any shred of sanity, we need to roll with the punches. You never know what’s coming next in the military life and being able to be flexible and roll with the constant changes has always helped. Make plans, but know they will change eight times before you get there. I also feel that I’ve needed to be far more independent than I ever knew I was able to be. We can make things happen when we’re together, but I can get everything done on my own, too. I’m tough. I can do difficult things. We’ve got this.” — Heather C.
So what advice would you add? We would love to hear from you, so don’t be shy! Leave us a blog comment below! If you liked what you read today, be sure to catch the final part of the series here.
My best advice is have space between your family life and the military. Your family doesn’t serve the army. After 10 years, I’ve learned that for my sanity and my children’s wellbeing, I need to make sure we come first because my husband can’t always do that. He has to do his duty and that means seeing to his soldiers, their families, and the mission first sometimes. I don’t have to volunteer for everything, I don’t have to attend all the events, and I don’t have to be what anyone else thinks I should be.
That’s is GREAT advice Amber! I think we (ok, I) sometimes get a bit distracted or caught up in what other people thing I “should” do. But the bottom line of my calling as a military spouse is to do exactly what you shared in your comment here– put my family first so that my husband can fully focus on his job as an infantryman. Thanks for bringing this to light!