Strong Bonds Can Lead to a Stronger Marriage

If you’ve been a military spouse for a few years, you’ve probably heard about Strong Bonds retreats offered by your installation’s Religious Services Organization. If you’re newer to the milspouse life, then this may be new for you. No matter how long you’ve been married to your service member, if you can attend a Strong Bonds retreat, I highly recommend it.

My husband and I attended our first Strong Bonds retreat in August. It was such a great experience for us. We both went into the retreat hoping we could learn something, despite not having any glaring issues in our relationship.

But we did learn how to connect better.

We learned about our Love Languages (we both scored high in physical touch, followed by quality time), as well as how to handle tensions during disagreements. The hardest part was taking a 100-question quiz on the ins and outs of our relationship. Questions about our favorite books and movies, our hopes and dreams, our fears and dislikes.

I can’t say we got them all right, but it provided tons of discussion material on our date night. Things we might not have discussed otherwise. On the drive home, I can honestly say I felt a bit lighter. Taking the time to reconnect truly opened us up to each other and helped us get closer.

What is a Strong Bonds retreat?

The retreats are sponsored by your installation’s Religious Services Organization with a brief curriculum organized by your installation’s chaplains. They usually take place at a nice hotel near your installation. The course materials, classes, hotel stay, and child care are all covered for you!

The Army has its reasons for supplementing the cost. The first retreat was held in 1999 in Hawaii and, over the years, has spread throughout the Army. A five-year study showed that these retreats resulted in a 50% lower divorce rate and an increase in marital satisfaction for participants. You can read more about Strong Bonds’ goals here.

Here are reasons you should give it a try:

1. You’ll learn how to work better together in your marriage.

No matter how long you’ve been married, I guarantee there are some things you could probably be doing better. A Strong Bonds retreat will help you find a place to start. Our retreat was fairly large, filled with couples with an array of backgrounds. Some were married for three years all the way up to 25 years! While discussing different aspects of marriage, there was varied input.

The program used by our chaplains was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (there is a military version you can purchase here, which includes a free e-book) and The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman (check it out here). The science and psychology behind both of these books is pretty fascinating, but both provide guidance and tools to ensure you and your spouse are connecting and communicating effectively.

2. You get free child care services.

If you have children, then you probably know it can be hard to get child care or a babysitter when your service member’s unit hosts events. Strong Bonds eliminates that worry by covering the cost of child care and doing all the arranging for you. As long as your children are already registered for child care services at your installation, then you’ll be set for care during a retreat.

3. You get a free hotel stay.

The hotels will vary depending on your location, but it’s usually a two-night stay at a hotel somewhere near your installation. We currently live in Germany and got to stay at the well-known Edelweiss Lodge and Resort, one of four Armed Forces Recreation Centers. It was such a beautiful place! We were nestled in the Bavarian Alps with beautiful mountain views. There was even a local festival going on during our stay, which provided some fun for everyone. Family time was factored into our first full day, but my family spent it splashing around in the pool.

4. You get a child-free date night.

On the last night of the retreat, there wasn’t a class. Couples with children dropped their kids at the child care centers and enjoyed a date night together. It’s amazing how much conversation you can have when there are no little ones monopolizing your time!

5. You get time to reconnect with your spouse.

Taking the time to reconnect is so important for military families. We spend many days and months apart for field training, deployment, TDY, and other engagements, and on the list of what’s important, reconnecting with our spouses can sometimes fall to the bottom of the list. It’s one of those things many couples do once they have everything else completed.

But it shouldn’t be that way.

When was the last time you talked with your spouse about his or her dreams? Future goals? Most cherished memory of your relationship?

Knowing even one of those three things can help you both feel important in your relationship and that connection we so desperately deserve.