When Giving Thanks is Hard
Editor’s note: This post originally appeared as a video during Army Wife Network’s Milspouse Empowerment Moment, hosted each week via Facebook Live at noon eastern. It has also been turned into a podcast.
There’s just something so special about this time of year. It’s true, fall is my favorite season, even when it’s slow to show up here in El Paso. I love the cooler temperatures, the beginning of the holidays, and the promise of fresh joy on the horizon.
This is a time of year that many of us press into generosity, hope, and gratitude.
At first glance, being grateful in 2020 might seem like a difficult task. I will admit that this year has challenged even the most optimistic of us. It has truly been the hardest year on record for so many people. If you’ve lost someone close to you from COVID-19, please hear me—I’m so sorry. If you’ve lost your job, missed out on family events, or had PCS dates canceled or changed, I’m sorry.
If you’ve had a super hard year—gosh, I am so sorry.
In all of that, we come to today’s big question: how do we give thanks when things are hard?
I will tell you, I come from a line of pessimists. I love my family of origin dearly, but the idea of “if something can go wrong, it will go wrong” was the kind of mentality I grew up with. But here’s the good news: giving thanks when life is difficult doesn’t discount the hard stuff—it doesn’t shove it in a corner and pretend that everything is rainbows and sunshine. The hard stuff still there. But being grateful makes the good things (no matter how small) that much more powerful!
Here are my tips for gratitude, no matter the circumstances:
Be intentional and practice.
Gratitude is a habit, just like riding a bike or learning a new language. The only way we can get “good at it” is to practice. At first, it’s going to be hard—gratitude might require a lot of effort in the beginning—but over time, it becomes more natural. After a while, we are able to embrace a more positive perspective.
Let me give you a real-life example: A couple of days ago, I was feeling pretty downhearted. When I get stressed or anxious, my secondary emotion is anger. I get snappy and cranky. Fortunately, I recognized my junky attitude and knew I needed a perspective shift. So I went for a walk. I prayed and reflected for a few minutes, then queued up a recent episode from Revelation Wellness. Within minutes, the words began soaking into my soul.
One quote really struck my heart: “You can’t overdose on gratitude.”
Wow. That is so true. As we consider other “coping mechanisms” that we are engaging in, nearly all of them can be overdosed: food, social media, television, and even exercise. But I’ve never, ever had someone come up to me and say, “Gosh, Sharita… You are being too grateful.”
Cultivating this type of gratitude in life requires intention and practice. By the time the podcast was over, I was again able to see the good things all around me: The incredible blueness of the sky, shadows from the mountains, the temperature cool enough to wear sleeves and almost chill my nose, and even a spike mule deer standing in someone’s backyard. If I had stayed looking inward, I would have missed all of those tiny moments of gratitude.
Write. It. Down.
Yes, I said it—make a list! It doesn’t matter if it’s a running note on your phone, sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, or, my preference, in a journal. Writing down things I am grateful for has become a daily discipline over the last nine years. For my birthday in 2011, my mentor, Kelli Wommack, gave me Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts. The author challenges readers to start looking for the “gifts” in their life, seeking to reach one thousand. Well, nine years later, I have a continuous list of more than 29,000 things I’m grateful for.
The coolest part about this is the “gifts” on this list don’t “expire.” On exceptionally hard days, I can bust out these journals and flip through them. Often, I remember where I was and why I wrote down that particular gift. Things like “fuzzy socks and frozen yogurt” (Fort Benning, Georgia—right after our miscarriage), or “walking along the sound, watching the little crabs” (Joint Base Lewis McChord, Washington), or “chocolate-covered bacon” (Dahlonega, Georgia at 5th RTB). Other things include dangly earrings, the first time my kids said “I love you,” ice water on a hot day, a slow soak in tub, inky pens… Seriously—the list is endless.
Share it with someone else.
Gratitude is like a special treat—best shared with someone close to you. It thrills my heart to share these things with you or my close friends. Sharing experiences actually multiplies the impact… Think about getting a huge vase of flowers from your significant other. That’s big and awesome. However, sometimes a single flower can have the same effect… Especially when we share the experience with someone else.
“You wouldn’t believe what my husband did! He brought me a single flower he found on his ruck march today!” Each time we share that story (or read it again in a journal), the power is multiplied. Share it enough times and find more things to be grateful about, and soon, you’ve got more dings than winning a jackpot on a slot machine.
My husband and I do this each day with our kids before bed. We always ask them how they want to pray and somehow that has migrated into a list of things for which they are grateful. Doesn’t matter how hard of a day I’ve had, those little kid thoughts can switch it around so fast. They say things like “playing with my brother, painting, not eating a corndog for supper, watching a movie, snuggling with mama, playing tickle monster with daddy…”
Be still my heart.
Gratitude is possible, even when it seems hard. Remember: Be intentional, write it down, and share it with others.
Dear AWN family: we wish you a gratitude-filled fall season.
