Why Me?
It’s been almost four years since I was diagnosed with cancer for the first time. It can lead one to ask, “Why me?”
On Sept. 17, 2010, I was shocked to hear the doctor say, “It’s cancer.” I thought that he must be mistaken. I had followed the “rules” to not get breast cancer. I breastfed both of my children. I was active and maintained a healthy weight. I had no family history of breast cancer. I don’t smoke and very rarely have a drink of alcohol. I don’t carry the gene for breast cancer, and I was only 32 at the time.
Didn’t cancer know that there were rules for who could get cancer?
After I was diagnosed, we had many questions.
How did this happen to me? People have asked me many times if I ever questioned why this happened to me. Maybe, on a scientific level, I did question how I could have cancer but not on a spiritual level. I didn’t feel like I was “given” cancer as some sort of test of my strength.
Sometimes, bad things just happen.
I will never understand cancer fully. Even now that I have been diagnosed for a second time, I still don’t fully understand cancer. What I question more, though, is how did I get so lucky?
Why me?
Why was I blessed with such a great medical team of doctors and nurses, who are so kind and gentle?
Why was I blessed with a family who strengthens me when I am at my weakest points?
Why was I blessed with a husband who still calls me beautiful despite my many scars and bald head?
Why was I blessed with parents who drive to be by my side every time I was sick and needed help, no matter what time of day or night?
Why was I blessed with a mother who made sure that I was never alone when I was scared?
Why was I blessed with a sister who walks with me at every cancer charity walk despite her being a single mother and struggling with her own needs?
Why was I blessed with kids who are so loving and brave?
Why was I blessed with great medical insurance?
Why was I blessed with such great co-workers who cover for me every time that I have to miss work?
Why was I blessed with great employers who always support me when I have to take time off work for treatments?
Why was I blessed with great friends and neighbors, who watch our kids so my husband can go with me to every treatment, doctor appointment, and hospital stay?
Why was I blessed with great friends who help me clean my house when I am sick?
Why was I blessed with friends, co-workers, and neighbors who bring meals to our family?
Why was I blessed with friends far and wide who send me messages of love and support?
Why am I surviving this when so many others don’t?
Why am I so lucky to be able to help others who are battling cancer?
Why was I blessed with being able to share my story?
I couldn’t make it through these cancer battles without each and every person who has helped and supported our family. For that, I am eternally grateful.
I will never understand cancer fully nor will I ever give cancer any credit for anything good in my life. The people in my life, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I don’t really care why I got cancer. But, when it comes to all of the love and support that I have in my life, I do have to ask: How did I get so lucky? Why me?
