10 PCS Lessons I Never Learn

You would think that six moves in seven years of being a military spouse, I’d have started to figure out this whole PCS process.

You would be thinking wrong.

Another blogger recently wrote a piece called PCS Lessons I Learned from my Dogs. There’s nothing quite like experience to teach us the lessons of military life. Each time my husband comes home saying “So, I heard from Branch…” I pull out my PCS binder, sure that this time I’ll manage an in-control, smooth move. It’s true that the lessons I learn at each PCS make the next one a little easier.

But, that hasn’t really translated into a smooth PCS yet. In large part because there are some lessons I just don’t seem to learn. Ten of them, to be exact.

1. I will be stressed about housing.

It never fails. It doesn’t matter that the very day I have orders I will have a completed housing, neighborhood, and school research and be glued to AHRN. It never fails that I will get wrapped around the axle and doubt myself. Housing is right up there as my number one stressor, perhaps because we’ve moved so much that I loathe the idea of needing to move an extra time because we made a wrong choice about where to live.

2. I will clean so early I have to clean all over again.

This is one that I know I do but just can’t help myself. Especially now that my little guy is 4 and super active, there is just too much mess. But as soon as I know we’re going to be leaving, I start getting an irresistible urge to scrub. If I’m not careful, though, it’s too easy to get frustrated with trying to keep things clean. Then, it’s just more stress rather than being productive and on top of things.

3. Car maintenance should be taken care of way ahead of time.

I always leave it to the last minute. My husband and I always manage to think that the other one is going to handle car maintenance tasks. Yet we never do until we are down to the wire. Word to the wise—this is one that can be done way ahead of time. Just do it.

4. There is never enough time to see all the people.

The single aspect of military life that I treasure most is the incredible group of people it has brought into my life. But, military life also guarantees that those precious friends will also go their own way on their military journey. Each PCS, I am saddened by missed opportunities to enjoy my “local” friends and resolve to be more deliberate about embracing those opportunities the next go-round. That’s still a work in progress.

5. I always throw away more than I think possible.

It never fails to blow my mind how much trash my family accumulates. Each duty station I resolve to live with less clutter and be more selective in what I choose to hold on to. Somehow I still end up with a plethora of trash bags on clean up.

6. Restocking my pantry always costs more than I expect.

When you move as frequently as we have, sticking to the PCS budget becomes vital. While the military attempts to compensate us for the expenses of the move, there are always unexpected costs. For us, I always underestimate how much we’ll spend on food as we eat out and then restock our kitchen at the new place. I save money when I’m cleaning out the pantry and making meals out of random, on-hand ingredients, but I sure make up for it on the other end.

7. Knowing the address is a relief, but…

It’s also a source of underlying tension I always fail to recognize. No matter that it happens every time, until I know my new address, I am always a little bit panicky about a PCS. There is an underlying anxiety about all of the things that can’t be done until you have an address. For me, that anxiety is sure to surface in less-than-polite conversations with my husband about his “to-do list,” as if, somehow, that would resolve the housing issue.

8. I never have somewhere comfortable to sit while waiting for household goods.

Only one of our PCS moves has managed to be a door-to-door shipment. Usually, we have at least a few days of “camping” in a house without any furniture, and I always forget somewhere comfortable to sit. I’m thinking a couple of those big floor pillows might be on my list for the next one, because folding camp chairs just didn’t do it for the almost three weeks I was without HHGs on this latest move.

9. My son always handles the trip well, the hotel great, and will just be a doll until we get into our new routine.

Then, he will suddenly forget how to sleep, wake up at crazy hours and develop separation anxiety for about a month. This means I exist in a permanent state of exhaustion while adjusting to our new home and routine. I’ve gotten wonderfully helpful input into easing the PCS process for my just-turned 4 year old. At some level, though, having lived in four houses in the four years of his short life is going to have an impact. He handles the process of change really well—it just takes a while to settle into his new normal. For him, that disruption comes mainly in his sleep pattern. So I drink a lot of caffeine for a while. This process is very hard on my husband, for whom sleep is sacred.

10. It will be okay. 

In the end, I can make a home anywhere my family is safe and together. When it comes down to it, this is what keeps me going. Every PCS I have anxiety attacks and agonize over housing choices, nag my husband about his nonchalance towards my always ambitious to-do lists, and research new ways to smooth the way for my son. Then, we unpack our boxes, learn our way around town, and get back to being who we are.