Always the New One

“Hi, I’m new.” I can’t keep count of how many times I have said that in my married life.

I’m sure you can relate. As a servicemember’s spouse who has moved numerous times, you find yourself in many new circles. You make introductions and small talk, it comes around to you, with a little hand raise you chime in “…and I’m the new one!”

It doesn’t always bother me to be the newbie. It’s a fact that I feel the need to say most times. It’s a way to preface that I may not understand or relate to everything that will be discussed in that circle. If it’s a non-military group who has lived in that area awhile, they’ll then understand why I’m not understanding their references, and I may need them to expound on some of their comments. If it is a military group, my statement will clue them to tell me all they have found helpful since they, too, first arrived.

Are you currently “the new one?” Listen here, I get it!

 

I’m the new neighbor:

They all see you coming! The ginormous moving truck is parked in front of your house all day as you check off inventoried HHG, open boxes, and throw the emptied ones back into the open garage for recycling. So you know the neighbors know you’re new. But they keep to themselves and don’t come out to meet you. Maybe they don’t want to bother you yet because moving days are stressful.

Maybe they don’t trouble themselves because they are permanent residents of the neighborhood, and they know your house is the rotating military rental. But after a few weeks of just waving to them, it gets a little awkward.

As the new one, do you give the neighbors a few more days to welcome you to the neighborhood, do you take the initiative and bake cookies to bring over to them to break the ice, or do you never do anything? (For various reasons, I have done all of these at one time or another).

Yes, the “We’re the new neighbors” conundrum.

I’m the new church member:

Sometimes finding a new church can be fun and exciting, as some locations have so many great ones to choose from. Other times, it can feel uncomfortable. Do you speak up in small group discussions, or do you hold back because you feel you may interrupt their normal flow?

During the church service’s greeting time, you assume everyone has attended there for a long time and you’re not really sure how to approach them or what to say. Then you meet another family who is newer than you, and you feel bad for not talking to them to welcome them too.

The “I’m new – Oh, you’re new too?” dynamic.

I’m the new shopper:

I’ve been doing grocery pick-up services for a little over three years now and have pretty much stuck with the same store. That means I’m used to how this store has me order bananas in singles. I click the plus sign until it reaches the number six, and when I pick-up, I find six bananas in my bag.

But I recently tried the local grocery store everyone raves about. This time, when I picked up my order, the clerk handed me six bunches of bananas!!

Imagine my shock trying not to accept all of those! (They couldn’t take the bananas back, so let’s just say     I later had a freezer full of banana bread)!

The “I’m new, and experienced a hilarious rookie mistake (and next time, I’ll read the fine print)” problem.

I’m new to the extra-curricular activities:

Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right activities for the kids. Do you go through the installation? Maybe it’s more convenient to find a place closer to your off-post home, but the schedules don’t work for you. Maybe it costs too much. Maybe it’s just so different from the structure of your last area’s activities that it’s hard for your children to get back into the swing of things.

They are the new ones too, and it’s a difficult transition. Eventually, you find the perfect fit and you’re all very happy. But it took a long time to get there and now you don’t have much time left there.

The ”I’m new, and now I’m happy, so please don’t mess this up with new PCS orders” challenge.

I’m new to finding babysitters here:

This is always one of my least favorite processes. Sometimes, I don’t even have a place to start. I’ve arrived to a new area and immediately my husband has an event that only he and I can attend. What do we do with the kids?

I feel like once we finally find the best babysitters, and get to know the best neighbors and friends who help too, it’s time to move again. When I was just starting out in the “I need a babysitter” world, a friend told me she begins with church. She finds the youth leader and asks for recommendations for strong candidates in their youth group.

In addition to this, what I find most helpful is swapping kids with my mom friends. Once I get to know a good group of ladies, I watch their kids and in return they watch my kids. The best part is, no payment is necessary!

The “I’m new, and can I steal your babysitter?” situations.

I’m new to paying for babysitters here:

I’ve usually found that my online searches pull up higher rates than what my friends truly pay their sitters in any given area. So if you do find a nice neighbor’s teenager to watch your kids, where do you start?

I have my set rate I offer my sitters, but I still try to ask them to give me an average amount they earn from their other clients. That helps me to know if I’m way off for that area. The area I’m in now, shocked me, though. I had to negotiate with the first sitter because I just can’t afford it!

The “I’m new and I need a cost-of-living stipend to pay babysitters here!” deal.

I’m new to medical care here:

Following most moves, you are assigned primary care givers for yourself and your children. Sometimes a medical appointment simply means showing up at the installation’s clinic. Sometimes it’s civilian care, and after numerous phone calls and emails, you finally know where you need to go and what paperwork is needed. But now you have to find a dentist, or an optometrist.

Maybe more specifically, you’re looking for a pediatric dentist or you want a family optometrist. You ask new friends, you read online reviews, and sometimes it’s still not very clear which direction you should go. Especially if your new home is overseas.

The “I’m new and I want the best medical care for my family, but this is so hard!” challenge.

I’m new to annual memberships here:

What are your “things” going to be at your new duty station? Do you get the annual membership to the zoo? To that amazing children’s museum? Season tickets to that city’s team? Maybe the annual pass to Disney? Are you going to be living there long enough to finish out the pass and make it worth it?

It’s always a toss-up. The last couple of places we have lived, our “things” have been within a ten-minute drive from our houses. Definitely worth it in cases like this, even if you won’t be there the entire year.

The “I’m new and which pass should I get?” question.

I’m new to finding my next emergency contact:

Oh yes, the best one yet! We’ve all seen plenty of memes and jokes floating around about finding emergency contacts following a PCS. As soon as we move, we’re bombarded with medical paperwork, waivers for the kids’ activities, kennel or veterinarian paperwork for your fur baby, and they need an emergency contact number.

You quickly make a good connection with a stranger, who has the high potential to become your new best friend. So you put her down as your emergency contact – – and you don’t bother asking because you know she just did the same thing to you!

The “I’m new and I don’t really know you, but thanks for being my emergency contact” status.

Well, this time around, I took a shortcut and put out a request on my homeschool community’s private Facebook page, in hopes the kind families would guide me better than my own research. I looked back at my post, and what do you know? I started it with, “Hello friends, we’re the new ones here!”

“We’re the new ones here.” Indeed, I’m always the new one here. It’s a bit lonely to be the new one. It gets complicated at times. It’s frustrating and hard when we can’t get plugged in right away. But as military spouses, we know that it only takes a few months then we’re no longer considered the new ones. In no time at all, we’ll be the veterans of the group, and we’ll be helping the newer newbies get acclimated.

And the minute we finally have all this figured out, we receive new orders to PCS again!

By LaVaughn Ricci, Military Spouse 

If you enjoyed this, you may also like, The PCS Lamenting Season, and Making the Best of a New Duty Station.