Be the Bright Side
Military life is hard enough, and plenty of us know that, but this season of life is particularly hard due to COVID restrictions.
It’s more difficult to make friends.
It’s more difficult for our children to find friends.
Many of us have already found out our kids will be doing virtual schooling in the fall, while others await a decision.
And some of us are holding on to that last strand of sanity, preventing ourselves from falling apart simply because we have to keep on keepin’ on.
This is how life goes, even though this might not feel like living.
I’ve been volunteering as one of the mayors of my village on Fort Leavenworth, and I’ve connected with a lot of incoming spouses during my time in this role. The other day, I checked in on a family that was due to arrive this summer, only to find out her family had been Army’d.
(I heard that term recently on a spouses’ page and now think it’s the perfect way to describe how you make plans, think they’re solid, then the Army comes in and basically tears it up, handing you a new one you might hate.)
This person, who I’ll call Jessica, was so excited to come to Leavenworth. The orders were ready, the house was packed, and then she found out her family wasn’t moving after all.
All the excitement about leaving a duty station she didn’t like was erased as quickly as the orders. To make matters worse, her best friend, who lived only a short walk away with kids the same age as Jessica’s, would be moving to Leavenworth without her.
She was Army’d hard.
I commiserated with her because, if it happened to me, I would be upset too.
Sure, we all know that it’s never official until you get to the next place, right? We know that. Jessica knew that too.
But the excitement about all the new things is so easy to grab hold of: a new place, fun places to travel and explore, your best friend at the same location, and likely reuniting with other friends from long ago (because that happens all the time at Leavenworth).
I listened, asking questions, checking to see if she still had support at her current location, and she eventually apologized for “unloading” on me (her words, not mine).
Y’all, she apologized to me.
This poor spouse, who just had everything go wrong, apologized to me.
I was quick to tell her, “Listen, this could just as easily been me that it happened to.”
It could have been my husband’s orders changing, me feeling like I’m being left behind, me hating where I’m living, just like it could be anyone else.
But then she said something that solidified her place in the ranks of military spouse:
“I have to focus on the little things I can control and look for the bright side.”
In this strange season of life, it can be hard to find the bright side. Depending on where you live, you may not be able to meet a friend for a meal. Kids can’t play together as freely as before. Travel may be restricted, particularly for the service member. Your favorite stores or restaurants might still be closed. You might have been laid off by your job or forced to work at home without social interaction.
Remember to find those bright sides like Jessica, but most importantly, be the bright side for someone who can’t find it.
Send a card or a silly video. Make time to talk on the phone or video chat. Shoot a list of your favorite Netflix shows and movies to a friend’s email. Place an order for a few bottles of wine, some ice cream and chocolate, or comfort foods and have them delivered to your friend’s house. Go beyond social media and find ways to connect—at a distance, of course.
The rough patches in this season of life might feel more pronounced than they usually would during other times, so be there to support your friends in the best way possible.
After all, milspouses know how to do that better than almost anyone.
