Caregivers Need Support, Too

When John Dale returned home from Iraq in the fall of 2005, all seemed fine.

“He didn’t show any signs of PTSD or any physical injuries,” recalls his wife, Sarah. “He was just happy to be home and alive.”

But once what Sarah refers to as “the adrenaline from combat” subsided, PTSD symptoms came bubbling to the surface. Multiple physical injuries also began to appear. And Sarah’s role as a caregiver began.

By 2014, the year Sarah first became involved with Hope For The Warriors as the recipient of a Caregiver Scholarship to attend graduate school, John’s PTSD evolved to the point that he medically retired from the military.

“At one point, it was like the light had gone out within him,” Sarah said. “He had a glazed-over look to his eyes. I fought so hard to get him out of that state because it was lonely while he was trapped behind that fog. I loved being with the John I fell in love with in the beginning. Being with the John that was trapped behind the prison bars of PTSD broke my heart. I wanted so badly for him to be free and to be with me again.”

That deep love and concern manifested itself in a constant search for medical answers to her spouse’s problems while neglecting her own self-care. She wasn’t eating correctly, didn’t exercise, and worked too much. At the same time, anxiety began to set in, which was followed by depression.

She remembers the first time she had a panic attack while shopping at Macy’s, she said. She got there just before closing and quickly looked for what she needed, and then an announcement came on about the store closing for the day. 

“All of a sudden I wanted to cry and felt like I had to get out of there. It’s like how my husband describes it—it’s like the walls started closing in on me. I was so overwhelmed with how upsetting it was that I couldn’t find a pair of shoes. It was just a silly pair of shoes! But it felt like the world was ending, and I had to get out of there to breathe. I think those are warning signs that something is wrong.”

Shortly after that first panic attack, Sarah started attending Hope For The Warriors Caregiver Wellness Workshops. It was a life-altering decision. It was at these meetings she learned of secondary PTSD, an unheralded but all-too-familiar diagnosis for caregivers.

“When I met and learned from other caregivers at HOPE’s workshops, I realized I wasn’t OK and needed help for me. It’s a very powerful thing to hear someone else’s story and see yourself in it, especially when you didn’t realize that it was going on in your life,” she said.

And it was then that Sarah became a proponent of what HOPE has to offer for caregivers. She is a regular participant in HOPE’s Facebook Caregiver Resource Hub and has attended in-person workshops as well.

Hope For The Warriors offers a variety of free programs for caregivers of post-9/11 service members and veterans, including a Facebook Caregiver Resource Hub, mini information sessions, and virtual and in-person wellness workshops. Caregivers include spouses, parents, children, partners, siblings, friends, and anyone who provides physical care and emotional support.  

One of the most popular virtual options is the Facebook Caregiver Resource Hub that encourages, supports, and promotes the military caregiver. The Facebook Caregiver Resource Hub offers self-care tips, stress relaxation methods, mindfulness techniques, positivity, and relationship building. This group offers a variety of services, including psychoeducation, interactive posts and events, and guest speakers.

“HOPE’s Caregiver Services helped me realize the importance of taking care of myself. They helped give me permission to take care of me and helped me see that, if I didn’t take care of myself, I was no good to anyone else anyway,” Sarah said. “Seeing that other people were taking time for themselves and their worlds did not come crumbling down, gave me the courage to step out and start taking care of me.”

And she began to do a better job of taking care of herself. She got better. John got better. Their marriage strengthened. And Sarah figured it was time to pay the help forward. The most efficient way to do it was through the virtual world.

In the past few months, she and John have launched an online community, Brave Love, that helps people overcome fear with love. It includes an online course through Brave Love University and regularly online interviews with people living a brave life on The Brave Love TV Show.

Interested in participating in an upcoming Hope For The Warriors Caregiver program? 

Here are a few up-coming options to consider:

Facebook Caregiver Resource Hub: Coffee Talk Dates

• Feb. 19 at 10 a.m. eastern: Focus on communication, in conjunction with Psych Armor 
• Feb. 26 at 10 a.m. eastern: Focus on communication, in conjunction with Psych Armor 

Hope For The Warriors Virtual Wellness Workshop

• March 25 from 10 a.m.-noon eastern

• • 10-11 a.m. Psychoeducation: Psych Armor video review (self- care, communication, general) – focus on communication

• • 11 a.m.-noon Mindfulness: Mediation

For more information or to register for caregiver services offered by Hope For The Warriors, visit hopeforthewarriors.com and apply for services.