Finding Joy During Deployment
In my previous post, I wrote of the challenges that I have solo parenting during deployment, and the ways I overcome them.
It’s time for the flip side: the joys of deployment.
1. Watching my son be excited.
My almost-4-year-old loves his independence. He makes up games and songs all day long. I listen to him play on his own as I do things around the house, but when he comes running with, “Mommy, Mommy! I have to show you something,” I stop what I’m doing. I let him lead me where he wants to go and tell me, through his speed-talking, all about this new thing that he loves.
He’s ecstatic to have my undivided attention, and I love sharing in these happy moments.
2. I get to share those exciting moments with my husband.
Sometimes, my husband calls when R is still awake. In those moments, I sit back and watch them bond. Other times, my phone rings when R is asleep, and I get to share the events of the day with my husband, one-on-one. The experience is about our collective pride in our son. We smile, laugh, and marvel over how fast he’s growing up and how much he loves to learn. We do this a fair amount when we’re together, too, but the distance makes us slow down and appreciate it more.
3. Date night actually happens!
In the first two years of our marriage, we became experts at setting up, but not having, at-home dates. I’d make popcorn, pick a movie, and we’d hope that R would stay asleep.
Spoiler alert: He usually didn’t.
Then, life got busy, and it was harder to plan. One or both of us was often tired. Rain checks were passed out with a good night hug and kiss.
Throughout this deployment, dates are paramount. If I know T will have time to talk when R is asleep, I make sure I can stay awake. Sometimes caffeine does the trick, but more often, I’ll nap when R naps.
Putting quality time at the forefront has helped our communication and has helped me be a better mom. Taking Mom and Dad time means that I’m less likely to be frustrated when R has lots to share with his dad.
My son’s favorite phrase lately is, “I have more questions for you/things to tell you.” I don’t talk much during those calls and it’s okay, because I know I’ll talk to T later.
Solo parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I know it will happen many more times during our military life. I think that I will succeed in being the mom my son needs if I can remember the joys.
What are some ways you experience joy during deployment?
What a gift that we can find joy even amid the “suck” of deployment. Even amid the weariness and stress, I found joy in quiet-ish evening with my kids snuggling and watching a movie, falling into bed after they went to sleep and grateful I made it through another day, and good friends to offer support. Thanks for sharing this, Amanda– praying for a lot more joy through the rest of this deployment!