Which Season Are You In? 

“We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. But the hills that we climbed, were just seasons out of time.” – Terry Jacks

It took a joyous, fast-paced (COVID-style) courthouse wedding to open my eyes to the importance of knowing what season of life you are in.

If military life had a season cycle, it would start in spring with the first duty station, followed by the career building frenzy of summer. All that experience and education would be put to good use in the fall and finally end in winter with the last duty station, and eventually . . . retirement.

At this time in our military cycle, I am unapologetically rooted in a crisp, colorful fall.

Honestly, I have felt a little lost in my fall season. While I am relieved that the latest deployment is over and grateful for all that this life gives us every day, this new season brings a slower stride to the usually fast paced “op tempo” we are used to. I am still looking for ways to connect and give back, and the opportunities to do so seem to be rooted in the former season.

If summer is the season of the career-building jobs and the “roll up your sleeves and volunteer and as much as possible” spouse opportunities, then I should be embracing the fall.

I should be getting ready for winter and looking back on summer with nostalgia. After all, it is during summer that we tend to build those lifelong friendships. The sweet season of summer gives us Battle Buddies and neighbors we can rely on. It gives us a sense of purpose and confidence that our community will support each other.

Summer is the blossom of all the delicate growing we did in the spring.

Spring was our “learning season.” We enter the military season of spring in full transition from our old lives. We are optimistic at what military life will bring. We are hopeful for our future and how we will shape it. We are also a bit naïve about what lies ahead, and that is okay!

It is okay because those who have already passed through this season of new beginnings are there to help.

Which brings me to the wedding that made me ponder all of this.

My daughter recently married a soldier. They are young, in love, and just starting to bloom. It is spring in their Army life, and they are optimistic and energized.

But like most first blooms in the springtime, they are vulnerable and blissfully unaware of how hard the journey to all can be. They believe their love for each other will be strong enough to make it through, and I pray that it will.

But it also reminded me that those of us in our fall season need to reach out to those families in the spring season. We need to nurture the soil they are growing in. We must remove our bias (and sometimes bitterness) and offer nourishment from our experience and mistakes.

Perhaps we don’t feel we have anything to offer the spring season spouse?

After all, they have been raised in the validating womb of social media while we stumbled through the beginnings of a three-decade war without cell phones and moved overseas without Google maps.

Maybe we don’t feel we can help them in any relevant way? But we can, and we need to!

It can be as simple as finding a new military couple and being available to encourage or listen to them. It doesn’t have to be a formal program with signed volunteer commitments or logged hours. (Don’t get me wrong, those are excellent resources, and there is much to be found there).

It can be as organic as helping them find a neighborhood to live in, assisting with paperwork questions, walking them through banking and insurance options, or helping them prepare for their first overseas assignment.

Sometimes, what they really need is a home cooked meal, and a deep conversation that does not involve “crowdsourcing.”  Some of the “advice” given to new spouses online makes me cringe.

Speaking of cringing, I hope my new son-in-law doesn’t run for the hills after spending the weekend with us and receiving some of our “fall” mentoring. Something tells me he is strong enough for any situation thrown at him, and I am grateful for that strength in him.

But the spring season is wrought with storms and extreme temperature changes, and I hope they will see us as a port in those storms. I want to listen and encourage without taking over (a leftover trait from spending so much time in the problem-solving season of summer). I want them to know that military life can be such a blessing when fully embraced.

So to all those military couples living in the sweet air of spring: Be patient and love each other. Make your relationship the foundation you build everything on. Ask for advice and listen to many perspectives.

To those in the summer phase: Breathe deep, and enjoy it all! The skills you will walk away with are developed here. Be careful; you can lose yourself in the chaos. Manage it, but don’t give in! Remember, everyone is replaceable; guard your heart and families!

To those in the fall season: I raise my Pumpkin Spice Latte to you and encourage you to stop looking for retirement homes on Zillow. Find a young spouse or couple to nourish. It doesn’t have to be full-blown advising or volunteering. Seek out that new spouse. Nothing beats “one-on-one” mentoring!

And to those of you who made it to winter: Congratulations! After you relax and get used to retirement, don’t forget that those of us in the fall need your wisdom as well!

After all, winter is coming for everyone.