From Veteran to Milspouse: An Oft Overlooked Perspective
Editor’s note: Quotes have been edited for clarity.
What comes to mind when you think of Veterans Day?
Is it a barbecue with friends and family?
Is it remembering to wear red, white, and blue and taking family photos?
For me, Veterans Day brings a few thoughts, each from a different time in my life.
The first, a Charleston County-wide essay contest for middle school students that begged the question, “Is Freedom Really Free?” The winner read her essay in front of hundreds of middle schoolers who just wanted to board the USS Yorktown to see all the “cool stuff,” as we called it.
Twenty years later, I remember the gist of her essay despite the other exciting things going on: For her, freedom was clearly not free, as it meant that her military dad was deployed, rather than home with her.
I couldn’t grasp that challenge or the pain, at the time. While there were military members in my family, they had all retired or been discharged before I was born.
The exception to that was my step-dad, Master Chief James Wilcox, who retired from the Navy in 1994. Still, I wouldn’t meet him for four more years. I have only known him as a veteran.
He doesn’t talk about his time in service often, though I have seen his shadowbox of accolades.
As you’ve likely guessed by now, I grew up with a minimal understanding of Veterans Day and its impact.
Now, as a four-year Army spouse of an active-duty soldier, I still have much to learn.
I reached out to a couple veterans who have a unique perspective: once Active Duty service members, now veterans and spouses.
I wanted to learn (and share with you, readers), what Veterans Day means to someone who has lived both sides.
Here is what Pam Chavez (U.S. Army veteran and spouse of an active-duty service member) and Chelsea Garner (U.S. Air Force veteran and spouse of an active-duty service member) had to say:
Branch of your service/years active/final rank
Pam: Army, 2003-2007. I was discharged as an E-5.
Chelsea: Air Force, 2011-2016. I separated as an O-3.
What was your MOS? What prompted you to choose it?
Chelsea: My MOS was a 12S3M Special Operations Combat Officer. I chose this MOS in college after a talk with my mentor. She believed I could excel in this path, so I ended up putting a packet in for flight school. I never aspired to become a pilot, although flying fascinated me. So, when I got accepted as a CSO, I was extremely excited! The Air Force had just started the transition from traditional Navigators to CSOs in 2009. I completed my flight school training at NAS Pensacola, Florida.
Why did you enlist/commission?
Pam: I spent a year backpacking around the world, and shortly after I returned, 9/11 happened. I struggled to find work and found my financial situation growing more bleak by the day.
My backpacking adventures had challenged me in ways I never imagined possible and made me realize I could do anything I put my mind to. So I went down to an Army recruiter and enlisted. Looking back, I probably should have checked out other branches, but the Army was all I had been exposed to so I didn’t even consider the others.
Chelsea: I have always known I was going to be in the military. Both of my parents served in the Air Force.
Did you grow up in a military family? If so, what was it like?
Pam: My dad served on active duty, National Guard, and Reserves, but I only remember the time he did in the reserves. He actually got called up for Operation Desert Storm and had to deploy when I was in high school. Other than that I didn’t have much exposure to military life.
Chelsea: My mother was a hydraulic mechanic on C-130s, then a logistics coordinator for Special Operations. My mom actually got out of the Air Force when she had me. The Air Force wanted to send her to Korea for a year without us, and she couldn’t do it. My dad retired as a Senior Master Sergeant and worked with Special Operations as well. I remember admiring my dad as a kid while he would be ironing his uniform, putting on ribbons, and shining his shoes. He was so meticulous and prideful of the uniform. I remember wanting to be like that one day.
We were a unique military family. We never PCS’d. My dad remained with Special Operations at Hurlburt Field my entire life. I remember as a kid he was gone a lot because of deployments and TDYs. I always desired to move since we lived in the same town my entire life.
What did Veterans Day mean to you when you were active duty?
Pam: Veterans Day took on more significance while I was in the service, although, it became even more significant as a military spouse. Probably because I have been living the military life for 16 years now.
How did you come to the decision to leave active-duty service? (Were you already married?)
Chelsea: I met my now-husband while we were both active duty in 2011. We were stationed together for a year (2012) before he moved to El Paso, Texas. Right before he PCS’d, he proposed to me, and it was the best night of my life. Both of us had an incredibly unique MOS, so the Air Force couldn’t station us together, even though we got married in 2014. I remained stationed at Hurlburt Field, Florida, until I was honorably discharged in 2016. My husband and I were separated from each other, 1,300 miles to be exact, for four years, and I had enough of the long distance. In 2016, he got orders to Fort Stewart, Georgia. 
What branch are you affiliated with now?
Pam: Army. My husband has been in almost 20 years, and we have been together for 16.
Chelsea: Air Force.
What did Veterans Day mean to you once you became a veteran and spouse of an active-duty service member?
Pam: As I’ve gotten older and spent more time in military life, Veterans Day has taken on a much deeper meaning. I feel more patriotism with each passing year, each military family I get to know on this journey and hearing their highs and lows, as well as navigating military life with children. I feel the sacrifice more when my children express the hardships. Or when my husband has to leave the country again, it’s very hard to have your family separated as often as military families experience. And when I take a step back and realize how many families have gone through this over the years, I feel so much admiration for all veterans.
Chelsea: As a veteran who has lived the lifestyle of active-duty member and spouse, Veterans Day is a day that humbles me to my core. Every day I went to work like all other veterans and put my life on the line for the United States of America. In fact, my life almost ended in 2013 while on a training exercise for the military. Our airplane experienced icing and went into a tail stall. Both pilots had spatial disorientation. Although they ended up recovering the aircraft, the memories chill me to my bones. I am so grateful to be on the other side of active duty and still have my life to live. Life is so fragile, so to have a calling that many do not understand and wake up to don a uniform that could potentially end your life is incredibly selfless.
Military service is synonymous with sacrifice. As a military spouse to an active-duty military member, I continually see and feel the impact of the sacrifices my husband makes every day. So many veterans have missed birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and important family milestones to do the job in service to the United States of America. I am constantly praying for his safety when he puts on the uniform. I know his life is on the line every day, but he is dedicated to a purpose bigger than himself.
Some veterans have experienced unimaginable pain. And as a result, every day, 22 Veterans end their lives. Right now, I am an ambassador for FreedomFoundCo, which is an amazing veteran spouse and veteran-owned small business. With every purchase, they donate a portion of proceeds to a non-profit that helps end veteran suicide. Right now, they are partnering with Leashes of Valor which mission is to save both veteran and canine lives.
