He Still Gives Me Butterflies

At the end of last month, my husband and I happily celebrated our 11th anniversary together with a long weekend away.

Yup, even with four small children at home, we find ways to make time for each other to keep our friendship and relationship strong. The moments we get to sneak away are not nearly as frequent as they used to be, but I cherish each one. From random nights we stay up after the kids have gone to bed to play cards, or when I decide to take an interest in one of his newest hobbies to watch the excited child inside of him show between the cracks of daily life.

However, one of my favorite things to do with him is daydream: wonder what our children will be like as they grow, where on Earth we may live after retirement, or how we will continually find ways to show how much we love each other as we grow older.

Being together as long as we have, it is easy to fall into a routine consumed with the monotony of the day-to-day grind. Before long you look up from your dinner plate and realize you don’t recognize the person sitting across from you.

We have had our struggles and hardships, between the crazy military life and moves. When all of that combines with raising our children, we have lost ourselves a handful of times. However, throughout it all, we know we can lean on each other to pull through. I strive to help him not take life too seriously, and he finds ways to keep me on my toes.

I think too many people believe that once you are married the hard work is over, but if anything, it is just beginning. A solid, loving relationship that stands the test of time takes real work. I know I am not the same person I was when we met—my needs have changed and will absolutely continue to change as we continue throughout life. We have to continually evolve within our marriage to support each other the best we can.

On our getaway together, like many other times, I asked him a few simple questions.

“What are the top three things you love about me?”

“What is something I do that annoys you?”

“What do you find attractive about me?”

Every time I ask, I get new responses depending on where we are in our life. And hopefully, I have worked on the previous annoyance so it is no longer an issue.

I had no idea he hated how I kept my makeup in the bathroom—he never mentioned it—but when asked about what gets under his skin, he let me know. So, now I actively try to clean up after myself better and relieve whatever stress or frustration it caused him, for no other reason than because I love him. Why would I want to have him suffer added stress over something so simple to fix? On the flip side, I am happy to say that after nearly a decade together, his coffee cup has finally started making it into the dishwasher and no longer taking up residency on or around the sink. Progress is being made!

These few questions may seem silly, but it opens us up for communication and allows us to be vulnerable while hearing much-needed affirmation and gratitude. When I feel emotionally safe and supported, it is easy to be more willing to have a strong and passionate physical connection. Having an overall healthy relationship does involve a healthy sex life too, in my opinion. Throughout our marriage, insecurities sometimes creep in, and I find myself pulling away physically. However, with communication, it was easy to repair and regain the love and affection our relationship was thirsty for.

For our anniversary, I gave my husband a little notebook where each day, for roughly five months, I wrote something down that I loved about him or something I was grateful for. This daily action may seem small, where some days I wrote how I loved when he would sneak up behind me and hug me and kiss my neck, or other days how he volunteered to put all the children to bed so I could take a bath, and how holding his hand still gives me butterflies.

But those small acts added up not only because they meant a lot to me, but because he needed to know I appreciated them. Acknowledging his ways of loving me is nearly more important than the act itself. On top of letting him know that I am aware of his actions, looking for something to write down each day had me so focused on the good that any little negative was given far less attention. He now reads a few of the pages a day, and it makes my heart happy as I see his bookmarker move further through the notebook.

Don’t let the days go by without telling each other how much they mean to you. Too soon, days turn into months, and then years fly by in an instant. I plan on appreciating every moment I get with my love and hopefully showing him in every way what he truly means to me and our family.