How To Break The Deployment Wall

Before my husband left on deployment, I received a lot of advice on how to handle all kinds of issues that could come up while he’s gone.

• “Put all of your important documents in a binder.”
• “Get your spouse’s unit info, in case of emergency. Here’s the Red Cross number.”
• “Ask for help.”
• “Find your tribe.”
• “Keep yourself busy.”

I heard about all of these things and more. But there is one thing that I didn’t hear enough about: hitting that deployment wall.

What’s the deployment wall?

It’s when you are drained from all of the things—the responsibilities, missing your loved one, the emotional roller coaster. When you are just over. it. already.

It seems like this season of life is a black hole of never-ending depth. You might feel alone. Exhausted. Annoyed. Frustrated.

Well, I’m here to tell you: Your feelings are valid and you are not alone.

I’m in that spot right now, and I can confirm the awful feelings. But I also have good news: You can break that deployment wall.

How, you ask? That’s a great question. I’d love to tell you. (Yes, I’m channeling Elyse Myers right now.)

1. Change up your routine, even just a little bit.  

Do you take your kids to the same park every day to play? Take them to a different park, or a friend’s house a couple times a week. Do you have certain meals each week? Try a new recipe or order delivery on a Wednesday instead of Friday. Sometimes all you need is variety.

2. Have a virtual date night with your spouse, if you are able. 

Most of the opportunities I have to talk to my husband are filled with news and necessary conversations. It can start to feel like a business call.  Something I’ve found helpful is taking time to connect outside of those serious conversations. Some of our favorites:

• Watch movies together
• Read to each other/read the same book and talk about it
• Play card games
• Sing each other to sleep

These things have helped me connect with my spouse and relax at the same time.

3. Take time for self care. 

If you have kids and need a break, take it! If can afford a babysitter for a day, hire that sitter! A couple creative ways to do this:

• Find a friend or neighbor who’s willing to trade babysitting with you.
• Find a teen (try the babysitting Facebook groups in your area) who is willing to hang out with your littles while you are home—but in an area where the kids can’t/won’t be for a while. This should cost less than if you were out of the house, and a locked door and noise canceling headphones can help set the atmosphere you want.

If you’ve hit a deployment wall before: Have you done these things? What would you add to this list?