How to Model Resilience For Your Children

Written by Ariel Mulzoff, Hope For The Warriors’ Resilient Warrior & Resilient Family Program Manager

Spring means many things to many people. Warmer weather. Flowers blooming. Allergies attacking. For military families, though, there’s a totally different meaning: it’s permanent change of station time, that time every April and May when we receive orders for our next duty station. 

It can be an exciting time, looking forward to a new town, new faces and friends or even reconnecting with some. But, especially for children, it can be a distressing time, leaving a familiar place, leaving friends behind, and facing many unknowns.

We know our children are resilient; it is part of growing up. As parents, one of the big problems we face is trying to make life comfortable for our children.

But comfort doesn’t breed resilience, discomfort does.

You simply need to allow life to unfold and support your child as they go through life’s natural ups and downs. If your family faces a move in the next few months, allow your children to learn from it.

Avoid the urge to fix it for them.

Instead ask questions to help them find their own solution. In this new journey, don’t provide all the answers, let them figure things out.

Let them make mistakes. Let them fail.

And when they do, help them breathe through the discomfort with simple breathing techniques such as candle and flower breathing. Here’s an example I like to use with my own children to help them feel relaxed and calm, youtube.com/watch?v=qTN_MtV5TFw. 

 Children do as we do, not as we say.

While that old saying might be a slight oversimplification, there is a lot of truth in that statement. As parents, we are constantly learning and growing. Parenthood has a way of pushing you out of your comfort zone and giving you more learning opportunities than you could possibly take advantage of in one lifetime. Make it a lesson for your kids, show them how you build your resilience. It isn’t all that difficult

Below are some tips on how to model your resilience for your children:

• Include them in your healthy lifestyle choices
• Find ways they can help the family prep meals for the week
• Invite them to exercise with you
• Build a family culture that promotes togetherness through physical activity, like family walks
• Host social gatherings at your home that include children so they can see you connecting with your social support network
• Take risks and allow them to see you struggle and overcome or fail
• Practice gratitude with your children either around the dinner table or curled up in bed at the end of the day
• Don’t avoid mistakes, yours, or theirs
• Show them that learning, and growth are part of being a human

Most importantly, especially if you will be making a move soon, build a strong connection with your child by simply being there with them without distractions. Kids develop coping skills within the context of caring relationships. When kids know they have the unconditional support of a parent, family member, or even a teacher, they feel empowered to seek guidance and make attempts to work through difficult situations.

Plus, spending quality time with your children gives you more opportunities to model resilience for them and quite possibly make your next move easier for the entire family. 

About the Author: Ariel Mulzoff, LMSW is a regional social worker and the Hope For The Warriors’ Resilient Warrior & Resilient Family Program Manager. Married to a salty Marine veteran and mother to two hooligans, ages six and two, Ariel credits meditation and movement as being the pillars on which her sanity rests. In her spare time, you can either find her lifting heavy weights, hiking, reading a book or doing her best to raise resilient children. 

For more information on Hope for Warriors, check out https://armywifenetwork.com/show-699-hope-for-the-warriors-resilient-warrior-program-targets-ptsd/