I’m not Glib; I’m a Connector
Sometimes military spouses get a bad reputation. People use words like dependent, clucking hens, glib, and other derogatory names. What if we started using words like connector, networker, or change seeker?
Every day, I make the conscious decision to be a connector. To me a connector is someone who builds a large network, not for popularity, but for the sake of helping others. A connector is someone who reaches out to others, engages in conversation, and genuinely cares about building new relationships while nurturing old relationships.
To a milspouse, the military community might seem large, but it’s actually pretty small. Only about 1% of the population serves in the military.
Being a connector allows you to help others when they’re in need. Need might come in the form of “my service member is struggling with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and we’re getting shuffled around by our current doctor” (true story).
In an instant I responded with, “let me reach out to who I know in the area.” This family was able to get into a better treatment program and take steps toward healing.
In another situation via social media, a fellow milspouse was getting ready to PCS to an area where she knew no one. This spouse addressed her concerns about the move. Again, in an instant, “Hey, let me throw you in a group chat with another spouse in that area. She also has children!”
Connectors connect via support groups, their specific military community, volunteering, and social media. Connectors are inclusive in all that they do. However, sometimes connectors might be seen as glib. Other people might think, “Why is this person messaging me? Are they trying to sell me something? No one is really that nice just because.”
But we actually are.
I know a lot of connectors. They’re kind, inclusive, and genuinely concerned about the spouses they engage with in conversation.
But being a connector isn’t for everyone. Being a connector means you’re always the one checking in on others. You’re usually the one starting the conversation. You must be prepared to be told heavy things. Our post-9/11 service members have endured a lot. Depending on the specific community you’re in, the spouses have also endured a lot. Before I realized the true value in being a connector, gossip seemed tempting. I failed a few times. Then I learned that every relationship is a valuable relationship.
Right now, I love Instagram’s military community. I also love military forums on Facebook. When my husband was in his transition from active duty to a complete separation from the military, I loved the veteran service organization space.
As a connector you must always be open to learning new information that can be tucked away for later use.
