It’s Okay to Not Always Like Them

I don’t know about you, but the weeks leading to the upcoming school year were stressful.

Somewhere between the mad dash of shopping for supplies with nothing but empty shelves at the stores, because “oh, school is actually happening,” and trying to prepare my 7-year-old for his new normal for school, it was a nightmare.

The whole house felt it—even the toddlers were oddly on edge, constantly fighting with each other and not getting along. When the madness within the house reached an all-time high, I soon realized that I can love my children with every single ounce of my being, but I do not have to like them.

Not even a little bit at that moment.

I know that may sound awful to say. I will be honest with you—if you are looking to read something from the mom who is constantly well dressed, makeup done daily, and chipper like a morning bird, then this is not the article for you.  I am a real-life tired mom who struggles to remember what day of the week it is, avoids wearing real pants at any cost, and usually will be rocking yesterday’s leftover makeup at the bus stop in my pajamas.

If you decided to stick around and read on, awesome!

Many of you readers know I have four children. A busy bodied 7-year-old son, and typical 2-year-old triplets, who are basically like trying to control feral cats. (It is really a hoot, you should try it sometime.) I do my best each day to attempt to keep everyone on schedule and stick to our daily routine. However, I am human, things often shift, and someone is usually left very unhappy about the change.

I have come to the realization that it is completely OK and natural to not always like your children. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or that you don’t enjoy your child. It means that, sometimes when you spend all day and night with the same individual, after a while a break is needed. Throw in the fact that this individual may lash out with irrational fits because you put their juice in the wrong colored sippy cup. Or like in this picture where my daughter brought me two different socks, and no matter which sock was on which foot, no possibility was the correct answer. Then there is my favorite when offering a snack, and while they have eaten it every previous time, this time is different, and the next thing you know, you have a bowlful of Cheerios being thrown through the air. It is really, really OK to not always like your children.

As mothers, I think it is unfortunately natural for us to put this unrealistic expectation of ourselves to be the crafty mom, the super chef, the fun sporadic mom, the organized and always punctual mother. There are so many women I look up to because they have a specific trait that I would love to develop. However, no one person that I know embodies the overall ideal super mom, so why on Earth would I hold myself to such insane standards?

And what is worse is when my children are having a rough or bad day, I see that as a reflection of my parenting. That’s crazy! I have four children. The odds of them all having one single fantastic day straight through is completely not in my favor.

So now, I have decided to flip the script. I anticipate the rough patch that is bound to happen, the crayon that breaks into two and throws someone over the edge. I am ready like a boxer in the ring. Being mentally prepared for the carnage that may come has me more at ease. Want to know something crazy, if I am at ease, the kids are more relaxed, too. And when they are more at ease, I like them more!

It is absolutely OK to have a moment and not truly like your kid. You will always love them—no question about that.

However, if you are finding yourself having more days where you both feel like you’ve gone through the wringer, consider flipping the script.  Change things up, and alter your approach to a potential problem. Reduce some of the unnecessary stressors in your life.

And please stop thinking you have to be perfect all the time. Just be the perfect you! Our children love us whether or not we know how to make a cool craft daily, or bake the world’s best cookies, or if we volunteer for every extracurricular activity they are into. They love us, and they just want as to be present.

Whether that comes in the form of rocking yesterday’s makeup with bags under my eyes because I am exhausted and wearing leggings (because ugh, jeans), our children love the perfect you, so rock it!