Making Space at the Table

When I was in high school, I used to pride myself on how filled the calendar pages of December were—events and deadlines coordinated by color. Busy equaled success and accomplishment.

But now, as I look at my calendar for December, I realize just how quickly January and 2020 are approaching and 2019 slipped through my grasp. All of the events and deadlines on my calendar no longer fill me with pride, but rather with an unwanted desire for this season to be over so I can simply move on to the next (hopefully) less busy season (spoiler alert: it won’t be less busy).

And while I long for that rest, I also resent it because it feels somehow wrong to wish away this season. For one thing, it is supposed to be filled with Hope and Joy and Love and Peace. And for another, the older I get, the sadder it seems to wish away any time spent with loved ones or simply experiencing life.

On top of that, I’m also looking forward to this season. Due to the usual unpredictable circumstances of life, we’re decorating late this year and my Christmas cards are still in their boxes on the kitchen table. Resentment and Guilt and Excitement and Hope all in one.

So, while I was recently strolling the aisles of HEB, picking up last-minute dinner items instead of setting aside the time to craft a weekly menu as usual, I sat with that disconnect and that feeling. I thought back to all of the posts I’ve seen lately on social media about how difficult the holidays can be—people seem to be more open about their dread of this season than I recall in previous years. And, you know what?

Hope and Peace and Love and Joy can sit at the same table with Frustration and Disappointment and Grief and Despair (or whatever else you’re experiencing).

We might not want them all together; we might think they shouldn’t be there. We might hate how we experience them or the reasons why they’re there in the first place. We might choose not to even look at that end of the table (and that’s okay, too).

So much of what we perceive as the good in life is tinged with the bad and vice versa—good news might come on the heels of bad. Our highlight reels often hide the outtakes and the unfiltered truths. Whether it’s this season or any other, it is common for many different experiences to sit at the same table—or at least try to, because sometimes we don’t want to even let them in the door, let alone give them a seat.

This season, more than most, is filled with the pressure to be joyful, to be a gracious host or hostess, to live a highlight reel 24/7 as reality.

But if highlight reels don’t fully depict reality any other day of the year, then why do we expect them to do so now?

There’s nothing wrong with the perfect holiday photos where everyone is actually looking at the camera and smiling and there wasn’t an argument in the car five minutes earlier and nobody has a wet diaper (in fact, that sounds like a miracle). Unless you feel pressured to make sure those get sent out on the first of every December or else you’ve failed at the holidays.

There’s nothing wrong with having a clean, inviting home with carefully curated holiday decor and a perfectly Instagrammable dinner menu, complete with the playlist you spent a few days compiling (in fact, you probably have amazing organizational skills and an eye for detail). Unless you feel like you can’t let anyone know that that isn’t how you actually live every other day of the week.

So amidst the hustle and bustle of this season (because whether you observe these holidays or not, it nonetheless seems all too easy to get caught up in the busyness), gift yourself some grace to take off the pressure about making your highlight reel your whole lived experience. Some of us happily mailed our Christmas cards on the first day of December and some of us are fighting for our lives to get a tree decorated by Dec. 25. Some of us will spend time with family and some of us won’t because our finances or our relationships or the passing of time don’t allow for that.

However you’re spending this season and no matter who is sitting at the table with you, gift yourself grace.