Making the Hard Decisions

The number of decisions we make each day is endless: What to wear, what to eat, whether we should work out, what to watch on TV, do we really need that particular item at the grocery store?

But they get bigger, too! Do I really want to spend a whole year without my service member? When do I decide to make a move in my career? When do we choose to grow our family?

Every day, we encounter a thousand and more questions—all that require an answer. This morning, I was sitting with a client and she was upset that her 7-year-old nephew couldn’t explain why he did something. All he could say was, “I don’t know.” And it got me thinking: How do we choose to make these decisions?

I know my partner makes so many decisions at work every day that when he comes home he can’t even tell me what he wants for dinner or what he wants to watch while we eat. I feel like so many of the decisions around the house, that normally would be decided together, are left up to me.

Plus, there are all the decisions that are mine alone to make. It is a lot of responsibility—I mean, I don’t even like picking the show we watch that evening without any input.

And slowly I can begin to feel overwhelmed by it all.

If we get overwhelmed by the small everyday decisions, how do we make the hard decisions?

This is something we’ve struggled with.

This year, we’ve made lots of hard decisions for our family. We had to make the choice to be apart.

Again.

Not because we were forced. How do you weigh out a decision that will lead to a separation for a whole year?

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can tell you how we did it.

We did so carefully, analyzing every piece of evidence we could find.

How do you choose to live away from your spouse while they move to another country (because, Army)?

Sure, I could have gone with him, but that would mean choosing to be away from all of our extended family for three years. No parents, no siblings, no aunts, uncles, cousins. Alone, in a foreign country for three years, with only one salary.

Not everyone agrees with the choice we made. I’ve had many people tell me that we’re being selfish. How could I not go and be with my partner? How can I do this and not support him?

Well, I’m here to tell you that I’m doing this 100% to support my husband. Had he wanted me by his side in Korea I would be there, no questions asked. So I’m here to tell you that it looks different for everyone, and we had to make the decision that was right for us, not for our friends and family.

It was for us and us alone.

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by having to make a huge decision, remember you’re qualified to do it, because no one knows your family better than you.

And no one is more practiced at making decisions for you than you are.

You’ve got this. Don’t get overwhelmed by others’ opinions, stay true to yourself, and I promise you will make the right decision for you.