Military Spouse Oath of Commitment
I wondered recently how many military spouses have read or asked about the promise our service member have to make in order to join or rejoin the military. To hear my husband tell it, there’s a lot of weight in those words. (I remember; I recited them once too.)
Neither of us wanted to flub them, and they were not taken lightly by anyone we knew. They’re on par with marriage vows, in my opinion.
All your earnestness is behind both.
What a commitment, the military life, splitting hairs between the service and the rest of your life.
So, I thought (for those who don’t know the Oath), it’d be good to read and ponder it.
Armed Forces Oath of Enlistment
I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and
defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies,
foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to
the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the
United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me,
according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
So help me God.
The emphasis is mine.
This promise is that “blank check” you might have heard people talk about: A veteran is someone who, at one point in life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount up to and including their life.
More and more, there’s a sense that what is included in that “life” is a spouse, a family, a community. A service member doesn’t stand alone. They’re committing themselves and who or what makes them “them.” We (the spouse, the family, the community) are called upon to back that check and are invested in that service member. So, I wanted to put that into words.
But, how?
What would that level of commitment sound like?
If I was called to swear an oath or make a promise to my service member, what would it include?
Here’s my attempt:
Military Spouse Oath of Commitment
I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and
care for my incredible service member; that I believe in committing all that I am,
completely and freely; that I will stand by his side and boost his morale;
and that I will be candid and honest but check my attitude when he
needs my aid, remembering we are on the same team through it all,
according to my marriage vows and the best life-path
we hope to have for each other.
So help me God.
That’s just one attempt. It means something to me, to be able to verbalize to my service member that we’re on the same team, that I “get” the level of commitment needed, and I understand the value of renewing that promise every now and again. I want him to know that I’m committed, too.
I know families (spouses, mainly) who struggle with feeling like “second fiddle.” So there’s a conversation to be had, if that’s the case. Steer the conversation toward what you are willing to do to make this military life work. Talk about marriage vows, enlistment oaths, and expectations, especially if all this is new to you. You may end up getting to areas on which you may have to agree to disagree, but having the conversation is a start. And, that conversation can extend to your battle buddies, too.
How do they balance the military and married life?
Writing your own oath with your ideas might be a good exercise to explore how you feel. I’d love if you share a few or reasons why the process might be hard for you.
Remember, the object is to love the service member, even if you don’t love the life.
That can (and probably will) come later.
This was a very well written and thought-provoking post. I was/am one of those spouses having a bit of an identity crisis after marrying my soldier. I thought that, because I had lived and worked around the Army most of my life (both my parents are Army, and I was also an Army contractor), that I understood what would be asked of me. Boy was I wrong.
My biggest problem was finding a balance between being an Army wife and maintaining the independence (financial and otherwise) that I am so used to. Luckily, my independence is one of the many reasons my husband loves me and he didn't want me to lose that. But it's not easy to hold on to, but I did. Communication was our biggest help-talking about both our wants and needs and addressing the Army's requirements of him and, subsequently, me.
i love this! i will post the MILITARY SPOUSES OATH OF COMMITMENT on my blog and link you if you dont mind
Like “Girl at War”, I too thought I knew what I was getting into when I married my soldier. I had been single for 15 years, raised a child, and had a successful career. How hard could deployment be on me???? Boy was I in for a rude awakening! After his first deployment I could see how if a couple were not completely committed to one another, how a deployment could destroy a marriage. The way I look at it is that I knew my husband was a soldier when I married him and that I made a promise to stand by him for better or worse. While he's fighting battles in a foreign country, I fight the battles at home so he can focus on his mission. Together we're making the world, and our little corner of it, a better place to live. I'm proud of him and I'm proud of the work I do keeping the home fires burning.
Star,
Wow. Well said and thought provoking. I printed it out for hubby to read and so I could share it 🙂
LOVE this…we knew before our Anniversary this year that my husband was going to deploy so I wrote him a “military vow.” I felt like it was important to him to see in writing that I was behind him 100%! I posted a copy of it on my blog 🙂
Thanks ladies. I do think our husbands like to see it in black & white. If most are like mine…and military men do fit a certain mold.
It is a two way street though, and I do occasionally have to “request that in writing.”
🙂
Pingback: AWN Newsletter (May 2012) | www.armywifenetwork.com
i just started talking to my army baby…. and i know we will be by each others side through it all
David goes back to work today after a year “out of uniform” and without a unit home. He did a great job at school, but he is ready to be with his battle buddies and finish the next five years, strong as ever. I thought it a good time to renew my Military Spouse Oath of Commitment. My Soldier doesn’t stand alone. I know my family doesn’t either. Thanks for everyone’s support through the years of our service and our marriage, which will be 19 this coming Monday. There will be many more with God’s help.